I Will Carry On

I’ve been blogging since the early noughties. Those years were the heydays; there was more freedom then. I can talk about anything without much concern about correctness whether it’s political, grammatical, or contextual. There’s not much to filter—I say what I want to say how I would say it. Nothing was ever vapid, mediocre and frivolous. I can talk about anything from an elevator incident, my list of sexiest men, a hilarious interaction, my frustrations over a colleague at work, my day-to-day activities—down to every embarrassing incident, heartbreak and unrequited love. It was pure, fun and almost cathartic.

When I first got into this, it was never my intention to have a readership. Looking back, it was never my goal. Before the internet age, I’ve always been into writing stuff on my notebooks (stories, anecdotes, one-liners, quotes) and I don’t think I ever intend for someone to read it. It’s more about me encapsulating feelings and memories. Even now that I’m accessible, sometimes I still get conscious knowing that this blog and its content is open to scrutiny.

Someone Might Be Watching

There’s this Pinoy joke that if the guy who’s giving you obsessive attention is good-looking, then you can call him a “secret admirer”. Otherwise, he’s a “stalker”.

Box-office movie Kita Kita (2017), some people think this movie romanticizes stalking.

The first time the term “stalker” was actually used to me was when I was in my early 20s. Every day when I come home from my former office, I would see this guy who looked slightly older than me, dressed in work clothes, waiting by the central terminal. After some time I noticed him following me, with his expressionless face, from work till I get home. I never thought much of it at first other than it was a coincidence until I decided to do some “experiment”. I changed my route by getting off the jeepney where we were and then getting on another ⁠⁠— and he did the same! In a panic, I hurriedly went to my older brother’s office. There, after telling him what happened, his female officemate said to me, “Huyyy, may stalker ka.”

Stalker? Why would someone even stalk me? Aren’t stalkers only for celebrities and high-profile people? (I’ve seen the movie The Fan, where my obscure childhood crush Michael Biehn played a deranged fan who stalked a stage actress played by Lauren Bacall, and that’s how I came to know what a stalker is.)

Be that as it may

I just want peace

I wanted to write this without talking about a specific person, without giving away any hint for the very few who knew me well enough to have an idea who it was being referred to. Not when I have succeeded in not talking about the hurt and the pain that was, even to the ones closest to me. The reason why I think this was the first time I  ever wrote about it because it’s hard to speak of it when I can’t even name the person behind my narrative. 

I may have a temper, but it would really take so much for me to get so mad as hell at someone enough to really pretend they never existed. In very rare times this happens, it could be that the person used up all the chances I gave, exploited my kindness, and abused my forgiveness. It’s never cool to be taken advantage of, lied to, cheated on, or just being treated unfairly. Especially when, with God as my witness, I did not deserve such. 

Let's chill

The local weather bureau announced a few days ago that we are already in the rainy season. That’s some good news to me who always disliked the summer heat, especially now when I can’t go anywhere to escape it. Before the pandemic, I can simply leave the house and go to the mall where I can cool off. Obviously, I can’t do that.

But hey, if you haven’t noticed, the Covid era has given us “new normal” on many things.

Anyway, what better way to spend the upcoming rainy monsoon season in self-isolation than watching movies from your living room couch or comfy bed? (BTW, I still don’t have a Netflix subscription or into Korean drama, so I’m referring to the old school, DVD binge-watching).

Here are some of my movie suggestions that you can watch when the weather gets all gloomy outside. And while movie marathon applies best to film franchises, I’m not adding any famous franchises (MCU, Star Wars, X-Men, Superman, Rocky, Back to the Future, etc.) to this list. Also, the movies I mention here do not necessarily mean blockbusters or critically-acclaimed so don’t sneer at me for not adding “Citizen Kane” or “The Shawshank Redemption”. I’m not attempting to grow a high brow here, it’s all about escapism.

Little Big Fan

I love both my nephews in equal measure. As an aunt, while I’m allowed to pick a favorite, I think it’ll be best to say that I’m guilty of loving the other more during a specific stage in their life.

Right now, this little one takes the cake.

New Lappy

After more than a year of contemplating, I finally decided to get myself a new laptop today albeit for a different reason. Last year, I only intend to buy a low-cost one to use for blogging but now it's more because I'll be needing it for work. I don't know how long I'll be working from home due to this pandemic and my company hinted that WFH will be a permanent fixture for employees. This means that my current laptop, a hand-me-down from my brother, might not cut it in the long run as the remote systems I'm using kept updating to a newer version.

Accompanied by my brother and cousin, I went to the mall this afternoon with the intent to canvass for one. When we got there, we were surprised to see long lines at computer stores. The demand is perhaps because many are on telecommuting now, including students who will enroll this coming school year.  Stores only allow 3-5 people inside, as part of the social distancing measures by the mall. Canvassing became out of the question as we cannot wait in line for hours just to check laptop brands on each store.

My cousin said I shouldn't put the buying off for another time when we noticed that everyone is actually there to get one, and the stocks are running out fast.

Dummies

Yesterday, my newsfeed had gone bonkers with friends reporting of having dummy account(s) on Facebook. Unless you are aware of your multiple accounts because you use it to stalk your exes, this is a cause for concern as it only worsens the fear of identity theft or targeted attacks. Most impostor accounts are of UP students and others who had been, in one way or another, critical of the government.

This came the same time as the swift passing of the Anti-Terrorism Act of 2020 by the House and the Senate (President Duterte is expected to sign it just as quickly), which is viewed by most people as a violation of liberty rights. If passed into law, an individual can be apprehended without a warrant and be detained for weeks prior to an appearance before a judge. This poses a threat because even a simple public post of aversion against the government may be viewed as inciting others.

It’s good that I didn’t have any impostor accounts out there, at least one that shows the same name I use on my Facebook account. See, I use my nickname instead of my real name.

I did check under my given name and found a couple of accounts, but I cannot tell for sure if these accounts were impersonating me because I have a lot of namesakes. If I see an account name exactly how it appears on my Facebook account, then that’s a different story `coz that could only be me.

And because I didn’t have any, I joked that maybe I wasn’t that relevant.

Because I'm super duper fun

I have been on WFH for almost ten weeks now and sometimes I’m still stumped as to why I am way more whacked now by the end of the day compared to when I was going to work on a daily basis pre-quarantine.

Then I had an epiphany: TWO SUGAR-FUELED BOYS vs. FORTYSOMETHING TITA.

See, being around two hyperactive boys (and sometimes having to babysit) is just one of the many challenges of telecommuting. My makeshift workstation at home is in a common area and it can get so noisy that it’s hard to hear over all the hooting and hollering. In the middle of me doing my tasks, the little one would poke me to show me the games on his cellphone and he can be pretty demanding for my attention. The older one, on the other hand, is almost always the mastermind of the ruckus, teaching his younger brother all the little mischiefs. In between, expect a lot of crying, fighting, running, thumping, and breaking.

Even if there are times I’d lose my cool at them when they become too much to handle, I’m sure about one thing: My two nephews are happy that I am home and they’ll miss me so much when I go back to the office.

That is because I let them be kids.