The Aftermath

Even if no one has been officially proclaimed, the majority has spoken: The administration bets dominated the Top 12 senatorial list. Since last night’s televised partial and unofficial results, netizens are already taking their disappointment to social media, that #RIPPhilippines even became trending on Twitter.

Screengrab from GMA News

I won’t lie. Seeing Alyas Pogi in the Top 12 is giving me a mild coronary. Among all the candidates, it is with him I am most frustrated for obvious reasons.

But it is one thing to be disappointed with the results and another when you resort to name-calling other people just because you didn’t share the same views or voted for the same people. I see so many posts on my timeline from friends calling those who voted for the likes of Revilla, Marcos, Lapid, Bato and Estrada “bobo” or “tanga”. I  know most of us are triggered, I simply don’t see such remarks are necessary and how it would make the situation any better.

I think these people are more uninformed than “bobo”. Besides, who gives one the right to think that he’s smarter and better than everyone else? That their choice is the choice? That their pick would change the state of the country with utmost certainty? Don’t you think that—in itself, is just as arrogant? It’s easy to hurl insults at people who we differ in opinions, but we refuse to look hard on ourselves that perhaps we have our shortcomings too.

Like how I only realized last night over dinner that a family member voted for Revilla. Of course, this came as an utter shock to me because here I was being very vocal to anyone who cared to listen on how I wouldn’t like pogi back in the Senate, not knowing that someone close to me actually voted for him.

I asked her, in between facepalm and self hair-pulling, why she did it—when Revilla was already detained for four years for plunder (for the embezzlement of P224 million in discretionary funds). She simply answered: “Hindi napatunayan!” (It wasn’t proven!).

That’s when it hit me: I have my fault too. I mean, if I had enlightened her on why Revilla shouldn’t be given a seat in the Senate again instead of cursing in front of the TV whenever I see his “Budots” campaign ad, then maybe she was able to weigh it more. If I had reminded her that this is the same person who was in cahoots with Janet Lim Napoles, who she hates, then maybe she will not vote for him anymore.

I have participated in a number of elections since I hit the voting age more than two decades ago. I started like everyone else: hopeful and patriotic. For all the years of my early adulthood, I was very much involved in every election. I was a PPCRV volunteer more than once and was present in meetings, youth assemblies and live political debates (this was long before the age of social media).

Like everyone else now who’re frustrated that the likes of Chel Diokno didn’t make it, I believed that my candidate then was the “savior”. I was idealistic more than realistic; I thought my “intelligent vote” could turn things around and steer my country to prosperity. Eventually, some won, some didn’t. But those who won disappointed me in the long run, as they didn’t turn out what I hoped to be. Most of them started as the “young bloods” the youth look up to, and ended up a TRAPO over the years after being eaten by the system.

Then came the next election, and I was as fervent as the last, I continued choosing for the candidates who I think will make this country great—only to be let down again. It became a never-ending cycle of big expectations vs. disappointing reality, but here I am, still believing in the power of the vote.

I guess what I am saying is that our “intelligent vote” is not a guarantee that our country will be better if they get elected. If the people we voted for didn't make it, then let's keep on trying until things change. We can only hope, and that’s the best we can do.

I have seen people posting online on how, after the initial results, that there is absolutely no hope for the Philippines anymore. Some even expressed how they want to leave the country as they do not want to be a part of a “sinking ship”. Someone even said, “Maybe the Big One is already coming and the Philippines will be no more.” — which is just a terrible thing to say. I have friends who wouldn't stop expressing their disgust online over the results, only to find out that they didn't even vote. When asked why they'll say they no longer believe in the system and they knew something like this is going to happen. It got me scratching my head that they profess their so-called love for their country, and yet they didn't even try to do something and got contented just watching in the sidelines.

Why can't they see the little victories in the city-level positions? Years of political dynasties in Manila, Pasig, San Juan and Makati finally ended. Isko Moreno beats former president Joseph Estrada for the mayoralty of Manila. Vico Sotto wins over Bobby Eusebio ending the 27-year hold of the Eusebios in Pasig. After 50 years, another Estrada lost to Francis Zamora for mayor in San Juan. Jejomar Binay lost to Kid Peña for the Congressional seat for District 1 in Makati. How can some say this election is hopeless when some, albeit not all, are gradually taking a stand against political dynasties?

When the dust settles and all this is over, let’s just continue praying for our country. That is far better than wishing for the country’s fall just to prove to people you once disagreed with that you were right all along.

Vote Wisely, Philippines.

Today is the PH Midterm Election and as always, I am going to exercise my right to vote.

While I wasn't saying with absolute certainty that my choices are the right ones, at least I know I have put a lot of thought to it and I wasn’t influenced by anyone. I am going to vote for someone who I think would make a difference for my country. That is, even if their likelihood to win is very slim.

The result of the latest survey for the senatorial race frustrates me as I see the names of convicted plunderers and TRAPOs (traditional politicians) on the Top 12. A rush of hopelessness coursed through me, like we will never get out of the political situation we are in. For a while, it made me not want to vote anymore. But then I realized that if I don’t, I will have no right to complain if our country’s gone to the dogs because I didn't do my duty as a citizen.

I don’t know why Filipinos never learn, and why they still vote for a candidate with a questionable track record. Why would you elect someone who was charged over the misuse of their Priority Development Assistance Fund (PDAF) and was dancing like a loony in his TV campaign ad? Why would you elect someone who will be a centenarian in five years? (Will you hire a 95-year old for ANY job? Why should Philippine senate any different?) Why would you elect someone who's known to be either corrupt and unqualified?

Sad to say, Filipinos still vote whoever is popular. People still vote straight because of “bandwagon appeal” or affiliation—be it with “Otso Diretso” or “Hugpong ng Pagbabago”—without even thinking if everyone in that list is competent. People still vote for someone because a family member or a friend persuaded them. People still vote for a candidate because they were given 500 pesos. People still vote for a candidate that was endorsed by a popular celebrity.

I don’t see this going away anytime soon because Philippine politics has become a big circus over the years. Expect political families to win again. Expect the same faces, the same ol' crap. That is because the majority of voters don’t care about platforms anymore. Why would they? Most politicians don’t even bother about it. What’s important to them is a good endorsement, and they’d think that will be enough to assure a win. Victory by association, in other words.

But then maybe, just maybe, it will be different this time. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Now more than ever, voters should demand integrity from their candidates. Let us not make the same mistakes we made before. There were candidates that I truly regret ever voting in the previous elections, but that’s it — I learned from my mistakes. Shouldn’t all of us do?

To vote is your absolute right but to vote wisely is a responsibility. I pray that we all take that to heart when we go and cast our votes today.

Why breakups are hard—but winnable

Sometimes a breakup can change a person so much that they become a different person in the process. Some breakups consume you in more ways than one as it affects several facets of your being. It impacts how you see yourself, how you deal with people, how you behave and how you view things like relationships in general.

When a relationship ends bitterly, some tend to beat themselves over it. What did I do wrong? How could he do this to me?—there’s always that sinking feeling at the pit of your stomach that is eerily similar to being humiliated. It makes one question his or her worthiness. Am I not good enough? Don’t I deserve to be happy?

Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Picking up the pieces is always the most difficult process of all. It is when you have to accept the fact that the love is gone—or at least it’s not enough to keep you two together. Even while the relationship was never perfect and oftentimes turbulent, the mere thought of going on without the person seems unbearable especially when you worked so damn hard for it. You find yourself waiting for a text or call that will never come or some cosmic miracle that somehow your ex shows up right at your door. You think about the day-to-day activities that you do together and how all that will be no more. It's a series of adjustments and a major change in routine.

When the unlikelihood of reconciliation sinks in, comes the grieving process. People differ in how they manifest their own grief. Some would retreat to the comfort of his or her own solitude, while some need to be with friends to divert their mind off the hurt. Some are vocal, others just clam up. While the approach to handling a breakup differs, there’s no denying that by the end of the day, you—more than anyone—know that the pain is real.

There are times you’d suddenly get desperate for answers, wanting to understand what went wrong. Even if you feel you have said all there is to say, there will always be something you feel you’ve missed out. Because of this desperation sometimes you relapse and contact your ex again, but then you realize the truth that there is nothing left to say, at least nothing to make any difference.

I have my share of bad breakups—with one more recent, and it was so bad that I even thought of swearing off love for good. I admit that at first, I struggled at doing anything, that even getting up in bed seems so hard even if I had trouble sleeping that night. I can't concentrate. I would have this upset stomach and a wave of nausea almost every day for no reason. I feel disconnected from the people around me even to family and friends. I lost my appetite not just for food but even for the things that usually interest me. Couple this with my f*cked-up hormones because of the thyroid condition I always had, I sank into mild anxiety even the people closest to me knew nothing about. It was hard to talk about it, as there is that thin line between heartbreak and depression that some people interchange the two. Heartbreak—to most people—is petty.

I am not really the type who cries to friends and because of that, they don’t check up on me that often (I don’t know if that’s good or bad). I learned to just fend for myself. I allowed myself enough time to mourn. To be lonely. By experience, denial can only make matters worse, so when I’m sad, I am sad. I don’t say I’m okay when I’m not. I don't go convincing myself that I'm over it because the thought of the breakup still makes me sad. There are times that even if I feel like crying, I just can’t.

But when it starts to hurt too much, I pray.

While I know that it’s been months since and I have successfully moved forward, there are moments of weakness when I still feel angry when I think about it. I absolutely hate feeling angry because I don’t want to think that I feel so because I still have feelings for the person. You know how they say that the opposite of love is not hate but apathy? More than anything, I wanted to be apathetic than hateful.

Perhaps because of my instinctive tendency to love myself more, I didn’t reach the point that I let all the hurt and anger eat me. No way will I let this destroy me. A wound won’t heal if you keep touching it so that must’ve helped as I don’t talk about the person or what I feel to anybody. At least not every waking hour. Gradually, I got numb and just went on with my life. While a part of me was crumbling, the other part has never been so strong. It's amazing how much strength I have to just go on.

I managed to cope with the collapse of the relationship and redirected my anxiety to something that would benefit me more. For one, I started writing again, something that I have abandoned for a time. Writing has always been therapeutic for me. It made me realize that I am capable of channeling my negative feelings to something positive. In the end, it’s more about the fact that even if it’s not a competition, I want to be the one who wins the breakup. That in the end, self-love prevails. I don’t want to give my ex the satisfaction of thinking he destroyed me because he didn’t. No way.

Life is going well and it’s treating me right. Guess I won.