SOGIE bill: Let's agree to disagree

A few weeks ago, transwoman Gretchen Diez was barred from using the ladies’ room by a mall janitress. This didn’t go so well because she got offended and retaliated by taking a Facebook Live video of the janitress for what she perceived as harassment and violation of her rights as part of the LGBTQ+ community. 

Gretchen was detained and later released but not without sparking controversy and gaining traction, thanks to her social media post. For a while, there was an outrage over it. Politicians and even celebrities were quick to ride on the issue; many of them backed her up.

In the end, the janitress was thrown under the bus by the mall administration—even if she was just clearly doing her job. 

But never mind. For the LGBTQ+ community and their supporters, it was victory. Striking it while it’s still hot, they are now pushing for the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity and Expression (SOGIE) equality bill after the incident, which gives the LGBTQ+ the protection against discrimination. 

*** 

These days, expressing one’s opinion whether pro or against LGBTQ+ rights has become a dangerous ground to tread on. I have thoughts on issues related to it (such as same-sex marriage), but I have learned to keep most of it to myself out of respect. Besides, I believe that sometimes we must agree to disagree—being that we have different values, understanding and beliefs. 

Even so, it’s strange how some members of the LGBTQ+ attack you just because you don’t share the same opinion. Funny how they call for love, understanding, equality and fairness but when you don’t necessarily agree with their views, they resort to calling you all sort of names: hateful, bigot, trans/homophobe, etc. 

I may not volunteer my thoughts on many issues every chance I get, but that doesn’t mean I don’t stand by it because I do. 

Like how I was asked before how I feel about the first transgender Ms. Universe candidate last year. The person who asked me was clearly putting me on the spot knowing the firmness of my stance. 

I don’t have any issues on Miss Spain 2018 specifically, only that I believe long-time beauty pageants like the Ms. Universe should be exclusive for the natural-born females. For me, the tradition that started almost 70 years ago should’ve remained as it was. Besides, nothing is stopping them to come up with a pageant of their own that could equal or even surpass Ms. U’s prestige. 

Now, this might not be a popular opinion with all the call for social open-mindedness and diversity, but that is my opinion and while I don’t force it on anyone, I am surely entitled to have one.

*** 

In the wake of everything that happened, there was even a call by one SOGIE advocate that the gender of a newborn should no longer be indicated on the birth certificate. Lagalab LGBT Network President Naomi Fontanos said that parents shouldn’t “assume” the gender of the newborn babies.

I hope someone reminds her that parents do not assume the gender. Gender assignment is determined based on biological, anatomical facts. It pertains to either of the two sexes — male or female. They do this by inspecting the genitalia of a newborn baby.

However, World Health Organization (WHO) defines gender as “characteristics of women and men, such as norms, roles and relationships and that it varies from society to society and can be changed”. 

LGBTQ+ argues gender is what’s in the brain and how they feel and not what’s between their thighs. I wouldn’t want to fight what is getting to be socially acceptable, but I know that feelings should not always be the basis for everything. More often than not, feelings can cloud one’s judgement.

This is precisely the reason I avoid using the God/religion card in my arguments because people on both sides tend to get emotional when that happens. Trust me—when emotions are high, expect sound reasoning to go down the drain.

All I know is that with what is happening now, it seems we are being forced to conform to an idea based on some people’s feelings rather than the basic truth, facts and logic.

Back then they only wanted understanding and acceptance which I believe was duly given to them. Philippines is one of the countries in the world that is LGBTQ+ friendly, even if it is also a predominantly Catholic country. Over the last two decades or so, a lot of things regarding homosexuality that were taboo and rejected before, has now been generally accepted. 

However, some individuals who support the LGBTQ+ rights no longer ask for mere open-mindedness, but more like demanding a change to one’s opinion by conforming to their beliefs. If you listen to their views but stick to yours, they would say that you’re prejudiced and closed-minded, even if you hear them out. 

These days, they even take offense at the word “tolerance”. I mean, is it bad that I tolerate something I don’t necessarily agree with? It makes me wonder, what do they want from me then? Do they want me to adjust or change my own opinions and beliefs just so as not to offend them? 

I don’t mind giving others the freedom they think they deserve, if it does not step on another’s. 

Like how Bataan 1st District representative Geraldine Roman, a transwoman herself, said on a recent interview regarding the problem with women who have spoken out against sharing their toilets: “If you have a problem, magtiis ka!” (If you have a problem, just live with it!) 

This hit a nerve, to be honest. Why do we have to “endure” it when we are the ones being forced to share our comfort rooms to men who “self-identify” as females? Why should I back down speaking about our rights to use our own restroom? How is it that they can express their discomfort using the men’s restroom and yet she now questions why we feel uncomfortable if a man is using our toilet?

*** 

SOGIE bill might end up being so dangerously one-sided. For this reason, even some members of the LGBTQ+ community have been vocal in saying that they don’t need it, as anti-discrimination clauses are already included in everyone’s basic rights. 

Proponents of this bill, whether they admit it or not, are calling for entitlement and special privileges—not equality.

What most of them fail to realize is that discrimination per se, while it happens often to LGBTQ, is NOT unique to them. The danger of passing such bill without any clear limitations is that it might be used against other people, groups and institutions.

To cite an example, there’s no stopping biological males who identify as females in enrolling to exclusive girls’ schools, joining women’s organizations, competing in sports for their chosen gender, because denying them this might consider it as a SOGIE-based discrimination.

SOGIE bill will challenge most of existing procedures, established systems and religious doctrines. If some people don’t realize the chaos that may result because of that, then they are the ones in denial.

Good times.

Find someone who will love you more when you're wearing high-waist mom jeans than low-waist skinny ones!  

What can I say? Bilbil is power.

Madly.

If I can’t describe it with the phrase “madly in love”, then I don’t want it.

Gathering Flowers by Albert Lynch 

But as that ‘60s song goes, something tells me I’m into something good. 

Wish me luck. 

My Wishful Thinking Wishlist

In a few more days, we’ll hear Jose Mari Chan’s “Christmas In Our Hearts” and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” being played in the malls on repeat preparing us for the merry yuletide season.

The Philippines has the longest Christmas season lasting more than three months. You can hear Christmas Carols as early as September and the festive spirit doesn’t go away until a few days after New Year. For this reason, it’s always been my favorite time of the year.

Apart from many other wonderful reasons why it’s my favorite season, it’s also the time to make our Christmas wishlist!

Every year, my kumares and I would have this Secret Santa tradition which we’ve been doing for more than ten years now. We use an online Secret Santa generator to randomly assign a person to each other since we don’t get to meet that often to draw names. Besides, there’s just four of us; it would be easier to adjust the settings so we won’t be assigned to the same Santa from the previous year.

Back then we’re happy to get a bottle of Victoria Secret Body Spray or a throw pillow; now, this is something that we take seriously. With our game faces on, we spend months making our wishlist. With the long preparation, some of us are guilty of doing so many revisions (Tetay—*coughs*) that we have agreed to have a deadline when it comes to revising the list.

As we are just your regular people, we set an amount for the wishlist and make sure that everyone is comfortable with it. For a while now, this year included, we have it at 1,000 PHP.

However, with this budget, creating a wishlist is becoming harder every year. If we’d all be honest about it, what we want usually exceeds the amount that was agreed upon. It’s not uncommon that our items would cap the budget by a few hundreds that’s why we’d often indicate in our list: “Will pay the excess” (but sometimes in the spirit of gift-giving, we no longer ask the recipient to pay it).

So what if—for fun’s sake—we are to make a wishlist wherein the cost of the item we want for Christmas is not really an issue? (Although it still has to be realistic. You can’t just ask for a house and lot or a brand new car, can you?)

I mean, think about it: Wouldn’t it be a lot easier to make a list if you have Oprah Winfrey as your kumare?

Having said this, let me play along with that thought. Let me share with you what I’d like to call my Wishful Thinking Wish List. 

Tumi Voyageur Dori Leather Backpack 

I am not your branded handbag kind of girl. I don’t even own a Coach, Hermes, Chanel or LV and I’m perfectly fine with that because, heck, I wouldn’t even know the difference! My few branded ones were just given to me by my relatives abroad and I hardly use them.

I prefer carrying an unbranded cavernous bag where everything can fit inside (I’m a certified Tita—go figure!) or a small backpack because I can carry it next to my chest when I’m at crowded places.

But this one right here is something that would force me to be nice all year, so Santa baby can hurry down the (imaginary) chimney to give one to me. I have read a lot of good reviews for this particular brand, especially its leather collection. Pam Pastor’s recent Instagram rave sold me because I subject my bags to the same abuse.

It’s roomy and sturdy, and you can even personalize it!

Until then, I’d probably end up getting just the nylon version of this backpack which is a lot cheaper.

Price: PHP 31,062

Melissa Space Love IV AD – Light Pink 

Not a bag person, not a shoe person either. I am really the antithesis of any regular girl.

I’m the type who would choose comfort over style. Which is why you will not see me sashaying in high heels or stilettos unless if it’s at a party where I need to dress up. Most of my shoes were chosen for only two reasons: comfort and price. As long as I can wear it without it giving me calluses and leg pain, I’d wear it even if it’s bought at SM, Zenco Footstep or a discount footwear chain like Payless.

While not often, I’d sometimes give in and fork out for an expensive pair. I own a few pairs of Melissa and it did take me some penny-pinching as this brand is pricier than other jelly flats. No regrets though, as I think they’re pretty and I love how they go on my feet.

I want to add this one to my collection so bad that if I don’t get it for a gift somehow—I’d end up buying this for myself. Again.

Sigh. 

Price: PHP3,250

Imarflex DD-787 3-Layer Cabinet Dish Dryer 

Laugh all you want at the “tita-ness” of this, but when I saw this at the Imarflex Factory Outlet last Saturday, it was something I want since then for our kitchen.

No more wet kitchen counters! No more leaving the plates, glasses, and utensils on a strainer basin to drip! No more wiping! Just place everything inside, turn the knob and leave!

Price: PHP 10,000 (Outlet Price: PHP 7,000) 

HUAWEI MateBook 13 

The “MacBook for Windows” — I have heard of good reviews for this one. It’s small, sleek and packed with great hardware. Its matte finish is just gorg! It also has a touch fingerprint sensor right in the power button and has a large trackpad perfect for my fat Bratwurst fingers.

As my cellphone is also a Huawei, its built-in Huawei Share would make the transfer of pictures and files easier and faster.

Yes, this may sound like an appeal for pity, but I still blog with my cellphone, thankyouverymuch.

Price: 
PHP 55,990 (8GB RAM/256GB SSD, Intel Core i5);
PHP 69,990 (8GB RAM/512GB SSD, Intel Core i7) 

Young Living Deep Relief™ Roll-On 

This one will be particularly handy to bring along every day to substitute my strong-smelling liniments (reeking of Katinko is giving away my age).

I became a fan of Peppermint and Wintergreen oil not only because it eased my back and neck pains, but it also helped me when I have tummy problems. I am also getting quite addicted to sniffing it.

Oh my God, how tita can you get, `no?

Young Living is known to be the best when it comes to oil-based health and wellness solutions. It sets itself apart from the many essential oils that are available in the market because of its strict distillation process. A lot of my friends vouch for its efficacy.

The thing about Young Living, which perhaps is the reason why a lot of people are still not very keen about it, is that it’s a multi-level marketing company (MLM). Members will entice you to sign up to enjoy big discounts.

Their oils are also more expensive than the others, but I guess there’s always a high price to pay for relief.

Price: PHP 2,250 (10 ml.)

John Dillinger Red Demi glasses from Owndays

I have already lost count of all the reading/progressive frames I’ve broken. 

I would wear one in bed, take it off and then forget it’s just right there. Only when I hear a faint crack will I realize that I’ve either sat or laid down on it. Bye bye, glasses.

This one right here is made of plastic and titanium so I do hope it will be stronger than the frames usually available at your regular “granny optical shops” in Quiapo (but then again, I have a big butt so let’s see).

Here’s another one in my wishlist that I’d end up buying for myself anyway because I need it.

Price: PHP 5,990

Foreo Luna Mini 2

While I don’t wear heavy make-up to work (just a trusted mineral powder foundation and blush, eyebrow pencil, lipstick and pressed powder), the pollution in Manila is so terrible that cleaning your skin has become a must.

God bless my genes as I don’t have any wrinkles yet at 42 (turning 43), but my chubby cheeks might not stand a chance against gravity any longer. So I don’t just need something to deep-clean my face, I need some tool to firm my skin as well.

This sonic facial cleansing tool promises an all-day glow in just one minute. Just what a lazy girl like me needs.

Price: ₱7,538.00

Sonny Portable Bidet

I am a Filipina. Toilet paper just doesn’t cut it. And it has nothing to do with being eco-conscious, it is all about personal hygiene.

This explains why for me, seeing a tabo (dipper) in a public restroom is like seeing a 500-peso bill on the floor. I was one of those who rejoiced when the office finally installed a bidet on one of our cubicles.

Because you see, it’s not truly clean until we wash it.

So imagine my reaction when I saw this on my FB timeline. Dubbed as the “iPod Nano of butts”, Sonny is made of anodized aluminum that stores water in a cartridge. It has a normal and high-pressure spray option (just saying that feels refreshing) that you can control it with a touch of a button.

While it’s not handy enough to carry inside a purse, the portability is a plus because you can use it even in your own bathroom without the need for complicated installation or expensive retrofitting.

It’s not available locally as it is a crowdfunded product, but I was imagining Oprah as my kumare, right?

Price: $89 (roughly PHP 4,700.00), crowdfunding on Indiegogo

There you have it, my very shameless Wishful Thinking Wishlist that is more like extortion in disguise. Why should I not be greedy every once in a while and wish for these items?

Then again, I’ve now snapped out of it. I’m back to making my 1,000-peso wishlist.

How about you? What would be on your list?

(P.S. Cuatro Amigas—I will not trade anyone of you for Oprah. Ever.)

You Deplete Me

If there’s something I’ve learned over years of dealing with all sorts of people, that is to make sure to stay away from those who can saddle me with their toxicity and negativity.

I don’t know who came with the idea to use the word toxic to describe a person whose behavior can leave you exhausted and emotionally drained, but whoever did so was right about one thing: Toxic people can be as destructive and damaging.

Toxic people are the ones who create drama; manipulate others through their neediness; drag other people down; spread negativity and hatred; heavily criticize others; think solely of themselves; make others feel guilty over something, etc.

When I was younger and obviously more naïve, I always believed that when you show a person some goodness, that person will give back the same good to you. I realized that while this isn’t entirely false, it is also not always true. Some people can just be so selfish.

For the longest time I basked in the role of everybody’s “ate” or big sister—someone who you can run to for advice and support about anything with no judgment.

While my intentions to help are true and I did all of that with genuineness and sincerity, I realized it became an emotionally unhealthy cycle. I’d find myself immersed in other people’s woes and conflicts more than I ever wanted to.

*** 

Once I have this friend from many years back, let’s call her Y, who was in a very turbulent relationship.

I was always there for her. One call and I’ll come running to her house where I’d find her crying miserably and wallowing in self-pity.

No amount of relationship advice gets through her, especially that Y only has one justification whenever I tell her to break up with the guy: “I love him, ate.” — Never mind if the guy was abusive and had been cheating on her, never mind if this guy had been treating her like garbage.

One moment they’re okay, then things turn very nasty again. When this happens, Y will call me, and while she doesn’t say it straight out, she’d make me feel that if I were a real friend, then I must drop everything for her.

Y called me one afternoon and said she wants to take her life. At the time, I wasn’t sure if she will make true of her threat but I don’t want to risk and regret it if ever.

On my way to her house, I was so scared I’d find her cold and dead and I imagined myself being forever traumatized by it.

I saw her slumped on her bed with her wrist slashed. There was blood on the sheets, but I can tell that the wound wasn’t fatal.

I was obviously panic-stricken and exhausted beyond words when I got there, but Y doesn’t even care how her ‘stunt’ can affect me mentally.

She is willing to do everything for attention and she got it. After a few days, I heard she was back with her boyfriend again as if nothing happened.

The last straw came when Y made a scene on my birthday—of all days. I didn’t know that she and her boyfriend were on a break at the time but both of them showed up.

Before I know it, the tension escalated and Y was already drinking more than she could handle. She was mumbling loud enough for everyone to hear: “He killed our baby! He killed our baby!” (obviously referring to an abortion).

And in what I would describe as awfully climactic, Y finally had too much and vomited all over the house, ruining the night for me and everyone else present. I found myself apologizing to the other guests who witnessed the drama. A guy friend was gracious enough to help me clean up the mess.

My parents were fuming mad when they found out what happened and I got an earful on how I don’t know how to choose people I associate myself with.

My niece gave me a reality check: “Pino-problema mo kasi ang problema ng ibang tao!” (It’s because you make other people’s problems your problem!)

It made me think hard if she actually considers me a friend simply because you don’t subject your friend to that.

You don’t ruin your friend’s special day for your own drama. You don’t make a friend clean up your mess. You don’t embarrass your friend in front of other people. You don’t let your friend get in trouble with her folks.

Ultimately, that was when I decided to cut her off my life for good.

*** 

While this incident with Y speaks ‘toxic’ on every angle, there are people who are more subtle but can still be considered as toxic.

A judgmental relative who made it a pastime to criticize people; 

An officemate who seems to be getting along with everyone—but catching her on more than one occasion badmouthing another colleague; 

A person who perennially thinks that he’s always the victim of circumstance beyond his control; 

An over-jealous narcissistic boyfriend who wants you all to himself but was the one cheating on you; 

An invasive social media follower who shows up to your house unannounced;

A High School friend who believes you are insecure of her and has found so many ways to slyly put you down;

A Facebook friend posting rants intended for a specific person.

All I’ve mentioned above are just some of the toxic people I dealt with once upon a time. Trying to reason with them has left me emotionally wiped-out and at some point, even made me sick.

If every year of my life is represented by a matchstick, dealing with a negative person burns out that matchstick.

***

There’s nothing wrong wanting to get along with everyone, but if it is already taking a toll on your overall well-being, then it’s no longer wise to continue having relationship with them.

This year I’ve gotten more zealous in cutting ties with negative people. I have learned to have limitations and set boundaries. The moment I feel the slightest surge in my blood pressure, heaviness on my chest or an anxiety attack/stress brewing caused by another person—I avoid that person like the plague. If it’s someone on my online circle, I have no hesitation unfollowing them.

This took me a lot of courage, but I know it is the right thing to do.  I guess I just don’t have the energy to deal with them anymore.

I now keep a small circle of trusted friends and limit my interaction with people I barely know; I try not to subscribe to another person’s drama; I distance myself from people who zap my happy energy with all their whining and complaining; I no longer feel the need to win an argument or force my opinions on other people; If a possible promotion could mean dealing with difficult people along the way then I don’t want it; I chose not to participate in online message boards over a controversial no-win topic; I also no longer indulge on tsismis and gossips.

In other words, it became a matter of self-preservation. I made it a point to love myself more, even if it means letting go of some people and fake relationships.

I Want!

LEGO® Ideas 21319 CENTRAL PERK set

Spotted this on my FB timeline and I want to cry.

Price: $59.99

Strained

Whoever coined the expression “pain in the neck” sure knows what they’re talking about.

I have this thing they call “Military Neck” or Cervical Kyphosis. It is when the natural curve of the cervical spine is unnaturally straight (thus, the term), limiting my neck movement and making it prone to pain and strain.

It comes and goes. Sometimes it can be quite nagging and severe that it crawls down to my shoulder. I am not able to move or rotate my neck without hearing that faint “click” sound every time. I also have trouble looking up (to the zenith) without feeling a localized pain at the lower back of my neck.

Cervical Kyphosis is a degenerative disc disease, which means that part of my body is already deteriorating and experiencing wear and tear. It’s a clear sign of aging, but I remember having these pains and being very prone to stiff neck even when I was younger.

'Guess my headbangin’ days are over. 

It was October of last year when I was diagnosed, and I went on a series of therapy sessions (including Cervical traction below) and prescription medications to ease the stiffness and the pain.

I was also given some examples of stretches and exercises I can do about a few minutes in a day.

At the office, I requested the facilities department to elevate my computer monitor so I wouldn’t have to bend my neck down when I’m in front of it.

To be fair, it got better since; but maybe because of my bad sleeping posture, stress and hours in front of the computer every day, I’m now being bothered by it again.

I’ve been ignoring it for days while reeking of Salonpas and Tiger Balm. Ibuprofen and Naproxen only provided temporary relief. It got harder not to mind it when the debilitating ache now reached my lower back.

I always get a full body massage when I can as it’s one of my few cheap thrills. It does help with the pain but only for a while. After two or three weeks, the symptoms will come back again.

I was told I should consider visiting a chiropractor as they are trained to provide immediate relief and they can also find the root cause of the pain and correct misalignments. However, consulting a chiropractor isn’t cheap as I’ve now found out, as they can go around 2K-5K per session.

***

It may look similar, but seitai therapy is different from chiropractic. Chiropractic involves direct adjustment of the skeleton, which I would imagine would be more painful and more — crackling. Seitai is more of helping the body heal on its own.

I tried Karada once, a Japanese seitai salon, and had their Atlas-Pelvis Balance (spine alignment) combined with a deep-tissue massage.

Karada lets you choose from a local or a Japanese therapist. While the Japanese therapist is more expensive and requires an appointment, it wasn’t the reason I opted for a local one. Truth is, I’m just not very keen being handled by them knowing of their traditional, stricter approach to healing.

The AP Balance starts off with the therapist assessing my condition. I was asked to answer a questionnaire and from there they will identify my problem areas. After that, they asked me to change to the black cotton shirt, jogging pants/pajamas and slippers they provided. I was also handed a cup of hot water (or was it tea?) which would help me relax.

The session started with twists and stretches then the application of pressure. I can hear my bones crack and would feel a weird combination of pain and relief after. For a while it made me feel a bit groggy, like how it is when muscle relaxant starts kicking in.

The use of a mechanical/drop bed can also be quite intimidating at first as I actually imagined it to be some sort of a torture rack in the Medieval times. It was nothing like that though, as it’s just a bed designed in segments and basically used to raise or drop a particular part of the body that needed realignment.

The entire session isn’t that bad and the pressure pain is tolerable, coming from someone with a high threshold for it. I don’t know if it’s placebo, but I feel revitalized after having it because even my constipation and inability to sleep was gone after getting one.

The thing is, with their promise of complete relief and overall balance, I was advised to go back every week. Now that wouldn’t be a problem if it doesn’t cost a little almost 2K per session which is still steep. Because of this, I haven’t gone back for another session after that.

***

In the meantime, a well-meaning friend made me an essential oil which she would then ship to me to help relieve the pain I’m currently having. She’s into the therapeutic-grade oils known in the market as Young Living.

Although relatively pricey than most essential oils, I have heard of Young Living from friends who swore of its efficacy. 

I’m keeping my fingers crossed hoping that it does wonders for me too. At least until I’m ready to shell out that much for a chiropractor.

Hello, monsoon.

As of this writing. Image from NOAA. 

As we are a tropical country, we only have two seasons in a year: the wet and dry season.

The thing is, whichever season we are in, we always have it in extremes. When it’s summer, the average temperature can go as high as 40°C (104°F) and when it’s the rainy season, expect to have heavy raining and flooding.

It had been raining for days now and that means commuting to and from work can be quite a pain.

Make no mistake, torrential raining affects all demographics. If you own a car (which you may subject to extensive damage due to floodwaters), you’d likely find yourself trapped in heavy traffic. If you’re like most of us who don’t enjoy the comfort of own transportation, then it’s even harder.

There’s no guaranteed way around it for regular commuters like me. Most public transport becomes unreliable as soon as it rains. You can either walk or try booking Grab but expect a ridiculous surge in fares (that is if you’re lucky enough to even get a driver to accept your booking). If the high fare is not an option, then there’s no choice but to toughen yourself up, leave your arte and poise somewhere if you want to get to where you needed to be.

I can rival any NBA player when it comes to “boxing out” just to catch a ride home. I can also be like any tightrope walker balancing myself while walking on the raised curb of an island when roads are flooded. In a few instances, I’d be hanging on to jeepney rails because there are no more vacant seats inside. I tell you, nothing else can channel my inner Lara Croft than commuting on a rainy day in the Metro.

Oh, did I tell you that chivalry is absolutely dead at times like this? If you don’t assert yourself well enough, guys can shove, knock or elbow you. That’s when my trusty umbrella comes in handy and my taller-than-average-Filipina height an advantage.

I can probably make a compilation of my many rainy day (mis)adventures. There had been rare times it pushed me to my breaking point (I blame my hormones) but mostly, I choose to laugh it off and charge it to experience. It pays to be “madiskarte” (street-smart) and well-aware and adapted in difficult situations. I guess it’s just one of the many things a single girl like me can acquire in time, knowing there’s no one to rescue her when things go awful.

One thing’s for sure—if this ever turns to be a plot of a Roland Emmerich movie, I think I can survive it.

Over the years of working in a flood-prone business district of Makati City, I got so used to flooding that it’s almost like I developed a skill to adapt to it. Why not? — an hour of heavy rains can easily transform Buendia Avenue and surrounding areas of Washington, Pasong Tamo and Dela Rosa streets to a body of water that would leave people and motorists wet, stranded and utterly frustrated.

It’s good they came up with elevated walkways (such as the Dela Rosa walkway) as this can serve thousands of pedestrians in a day by protecting them from the sun but more importantly, from rain and flood.

When there are heavy rains and I had to go home from a day in the office, I use the Dela Rosa walkway and walk towards MRT Ayala Station where there won’t be flooding and where I can get a ride home via the Park Square terminal. Waiting in long lines for a ride is one thing, getting stranded inside the jeepney due to traffic is another story. But at least I didn’t have to walk through ankle-deep water which I’d probably do if I pass by my regular route towards Washington St.

The thing about the monsoon season in the Philippines is that it’s just started. In a country that averages 20 typhoons in a year, we aren’t even in the middle of it. Remember that the strongest typhoons in our country’s history happened in the last few months of the year (Ondoy happened in September 2009 and Yolanda in November 2013), so while we all hope that our typhoons this year is not as strong as the ones I’ve mentioned, we are still bracing ourselves for the worst.

Expect now to see more of me entering our very posh office building in tsinelas (and just like those cult B actresses in the '70s—“wet-look”), since the suspension of work due to inclement weather is not the usual practice in the industry I am in. Business continuity is critical so we are expected to come to work and conduct a ‘business as usual’ mindset even when it’s already rainmageddon outside.

My best role so far

If I would be candid and downright honest about it, I don’t think I’d ever get to procreate. I mean, my OB-Gyne (Don't correct me—that’s how we call it before) never said it’s impossible even with just one ovary (I had a laparotomy in 2018), but I know it’s improbable because I don’t know a guy I’m remotely attracted to at the moment enough to get jiggy with. Unless of course, Chris Evans knocks at my door and we — *clears throat* 

I have made peace with this. I may regret it someday, but as of now, I have accepted my fate. I realized, God has His plans for everybody. It just so happens that His grand plan for me didn’t include me having little ones coming out of my sexy (ulk!) body.

I’m lucky because my parents seem to have also accepted it a long time ago. They never—not even once—pressured me (or any of us, really) to go and “propagate”. There was even a time when we thought our folks would die without having any apo, as both I and my older brother never marry.

Albeit without the badgering of my parents, there will always be the nosy people who can’t stop themselves from sticking their noses in other’s business. They’re the ones that would go: “Bigyan mo na ng apo ang mga magulang mo!” (Give your parents grandchildren!), to which I answer it then with a pasted-on smile that actually looked more like someone’s face when constipated. To tell you the truth I have wrung a lot of these people’s necks in my head.

When I was a lot younger, some people predicted that I’d have kids at a young age just because they always see me then in the company of guy friends.

“Maagang mabubuntis 'yan!” (She'd get pregnant at an early age!)

Do they seriously think I was sleeping with all those guys? Que horror. Good thing I have never given anyone the dirty finger, ever, but yeah—I would want to flip-off every one who ever thought and said that. 

*** 

It’s a good thing my younger brother stepped up to the task and gave my parents two beautiful grandchildren. It was almost into the homestretch since he’s in his mid-thirties when he had his firstborn and my parents were already approaching their seventies. Even so, it definitely made our lives so much better and worthwhile. For one, I became an aunt. And as far as good aunts go, I am the best.

Before having my nephews, I absolutely know nothing about childcare. I never had any training or practice growing up taking care of babies or children as my younger cousins who live in the same house are just about four to six years younger than me. Perhaps I was not trusted by the adults because I was a child myself.

Up until I had my first nephew, I was totally clueless that I don’t even know how to properly carry a baby. Ask my kumares how I refuse to carry my own goddaughter during her baptism out of fear that I might drop her.

But I have always been told that some mammalian females will have maternal responses and instincts whether she bore the child or not. That I shouldn’t worry about mucking things up because if I have it, I will just know. I never believed it then, but I do now.

When I had my first nephew, Gavin, it was love at first sight. That is, even if he was a small baby with jaundice who spent his first days at NICU. It broke my heart the first time I saw him crying with an IV drip chamber taped in his frail arms. At that moment, I was willing to switch places with him so he would be spared from the pain. He may be just a couple of days old, but I know right then and there that I will love that little baby forever.

This goes the same when my younger nephew, Liam, came three years later.

And just like what people have said about maternal instinct (myth or not), mine came out naturally. I was able to take care of my nephews, almost primal and instinctual. I never thought for a second that I’d get to contribute in the child-rearing considering my lack of experience around kids. I didn’t even know I possess any capability.

Even with a full-time job, I always make it a point to look after my nephews as much as I could. I make sure I spend a lot of time with them. While I didn’t trump on my sister-in-law’s divine role as their mother, I can definitely say that I am as caring, nurturing and loving as a parent.

More than anything, I just wanted to be the aunt I wish I had when I was a little.

*** 

I always say this, those two little boys got me wrapped around their teeny fingers.

Gone are the days when coming from the mall would mean I have shopping bags full of stuff for myself because right now, I spend more time in the kids and toy section than in the women’s section. It isn’t even hard to spend for them and set aside my own needs. Like how I can wear old clothes as long as my nephews will have new ones.

I had it tough as a child so I try as much not to let them experience the same. I not only spoil them with the material things that are reasonable and that I can afford, but I also let them experience a lot of things and have fun. We go to playgrounds, arcades, museums, parks, etc. I let them join activities I never even had when I was a kid like Halloween Trick or Treatin’ or Easter Egg hunts.

I haven’t been on a real date in a while now, because my weekends are spent with the two of them on tow. And it’s funny when a friend pointed out that at least these little guys will never break my heart and will always adore me. Good point.

I take their pictures as I wanted to have as many memories of them. Someday, I know they will thank me for it.

I had changed from a woman wearing stilettos and fashionable clothes holding a tiny handbag, to someone with hair up in a messy bun, in running shoes, carrying a big bag with diapers, feeding bottles and baby wipes inside.

I flood my Facebook and Instagram with my nephews’ pictures because seeing them makes me happy. I tell people anecdotes and funny stories about them.

I always tell the boys, in the simplest way I could, that the blood running through their veins is also my blood because their papa is my brother. I wanted them to realize as they get older that even if they didn’t come from me, that I love them more than “blood-running-through-veins” monologue can ever explain.

For most people, I am the best tita because I am known to spoil the kids. They always say the boys are lucky to have me as their aunt, not only because I have no children of my own (therefore I can shower all my love to them), but also because they know of my capacity to love.

What they didn’t know is that I can also be, to a small degree, fearsome when it comes to disciplining them. Both my nephews are scared of me when I get angry because they know they’ll gonna get it.  Some misbehaviors are just too much for me to tolerate and it surprised me that I turned out to be like my mom after all. I do scold them and hit them sometimes, only because I want them to grow up to be good people.

The good thing is that even if I can be the formidable “sungit” tita, they remain close and sweet to me. Always Tita Vayie this, Tita Vayie that. The younger one is particularly clingy.

So, sure, I may never be a mother. And some people might mock me contemptuously and say that I am incomplete as a woman, but because of these two boys, my life had been given meaning and purpose. God may not have planned it that I bring life to this world, but He made sure that I will be part of sustaining life and love to two boys.

If my nephews grow up to be good men who acknowledge what I did for them that in return, love me back until such time I’m old and gray, then I will die contented and complete.