So far

Photo by Dan Kiefer on Unsplash

It’s just 5 days to go till Christmas and seriously, I’m feeling so lazy to do anything work-related. I’m actually more in the mood to blog today, which is quite rare, so let me just jump right at it before I lose it. 

It was last November 5 when Malacañang de-escalated Metro Manila to Alert Level 2 after a decreasing number of COVID cases. This meant that many restrictions are loosened and all ages are now allowed to go out. 

COVID-19 cases in Metro Manila continue to decline averaging to about just less than 100 cases a day. In Pasay, we’ve been logging zero cases for days now. There is no local transmission of the Omicron variant yet although two confirmed cases were found, both of which are incoming travelers. Nevertheless, it’s easy to say that the COVID situation these days is so much better than in the past few months. 

My nephews are out and about again. We have visited malls, arcades, museums and play places. I can’t blame them when I see them having so much fun. They’ve been cooped inside for months and kids had to be kids. This pandemic has stolen so much from them. So whenever I can, I bring them out just so they can enjoy themselves. That is, even if some people do not agree with that as they say the threat is still there.

BTW, I had my COVID booster shot last Friday. No after-effects felt which was great.

***

I turned 45 last December 6 and celebrated it with family. I booked a hotel staycation earlier but had to cancel when I was informed that the hotel can only allow a maximum of 3 people in a room including children regardless of age. Visitors are also not allowed. So no, thank you. I wouldn’t want to spend my birthday babysitting my two nephews and not being with the rest of my family.

Turning 45 felt like being punched in the gut. I’ve been feeling it way before but this time, it’s official: I’m old. In five more years, I’d be a Golden Girl and hopefully by then I won’t look like a “Golden Girl” really (think of Bea Arthur or Rue McClanahan) but more of a JLo or a Monica Bellucci because, why not?

I don’t have any regrets, or maybe I do, but it’s more on some of the choices I made in the past. But getting old and being where I am now? There’s nothing to regret about that because I believe years are wisdom and I turned out fine. I came very far from the person I was before and I know I changed for the better. 

It was okay. My birthday this year is still way better than last year. Although I would have wanted to celebrate it the same way as my 40th birthday—which was my happiest birthday in recent memory—with more parties, meetups, and get-togethers for days on end. 

So my family and I had a lunch buffet at Vikings - MOA, with everyone except for Danna who can’t go on leave that day. We enjoyed it very much even if the buffet place was jampacked considering it’s a weekday.  

It seems many people are just trying to get on with their lives before we have another COVID surge and restrictions are put in place yet again. Many more people are going out. Just yesterday—the last weekend before Christmas, the crowd inside Glorietta is the same how it was pre-pandemic. There is no more social distancing observed inside public transportation like jeepneys. Taxi drivers are again declining passengers—a far cry to how they were during ECQ when they will stop in front of you and beg for you to ride. The past few days, I have encountered some erring drivers. 

It seems everything went back to normal that if it weren’t for the face masks, I would forget we’re still in a pandemic.

Also, after many years, I was able to attend Simbang Gabi. For those who are not familiar what that is, Simbang Gabi is a nine-day mass held daily from December 16 to 24 as a sort of anticipation for Christmas. Masses are held anytime between 3 AM - 5AM (Our local parish has two masses at 4:00 AM and 5:30 AM).  

I went to attend Day 1 of Simbang Gabi at 4:00 AM. This is the first time in a very long while so it gave me all sorts of feels. I realized I have not attended a Simbang Gabi in almost two decades and going back to the parish where I served for most of my childhood to early adulthood brought back a lot of memories. 

It might be difficult for me now, but I used to complete the nine days when I was a lot younger. I remember how our choir would go on caroling all night (it’s our only way to raise funds), sleep for an hour or two, then attend the Simbang Gabi that very morning. Thinking of it now, I wonder how I have the energy to do that every day from December 16 until Christmas Eve when I can barely keep my head up during last Thursday’s morning mass.   

I wasn’t planning to complete the nine-day novena as I work so early at 7 AM, but I tried to at least be able to be there on the first day (and hopefully on the last day) to offer thanksgiving to the Lord for all the blessings and to also pray for my mom and my family's good health — which happens to be my only wish this Christmas.

So that’s it so far. I have stories in-betweens but maybe I’ll tell them next time when I’m not as scatterbrained.

Not this again.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

You are not going to do this to me again.

How do you expect me to trust you on the bigger things when you can’t even be honest about your small promises?

How dare you deny a lot of things I said. Like we’ve never talked about it. 

And the nerve of you telling me things only now and claiming that you already told me of these things before.

You always knew how to break me.

I only asked the bare minimum, and you still can’t give it to me.

Have I not loved you all this time?

Have I not tried? God knows I tried.

Have I not set aside the things that happened in the past?

Have I not avoided the animosity?

You only see the things you do, but never see what I did all this time.

Maybe you don’t deserve my good graces.

Maybe you don’t deserve my friendship.

Maybe you don’t deserve the love and admiration of my family.

Maybe you don’t deserve me.

You had five of my good years. That’s enough.

Off-the-grid

Photo by Jeremy Bezanger on Unsplash

I have recently deactivated my Facebook and Instagram accounts. While I’m not quitting for good, I just had it—especially with Facebook. For a while, it became an obituary of sorts because of COVID-19. A friend changing his or her profile photo to black or a lighted candle — a sign that they lost a loved one — can trigger the worst of anxiety on any of us. 

Not only that, it had gotten so toxic and stressful for me now that we’re nearing the national elections and partisan fever is so high. I’ve been seeing friends associating themselves with political colors “throwing shade” at each other with some even challenging those not agreeing with them to “unfollow”. 

One of the perils of my youth is perhaps how I was very vocal about my views and opinions in the past. As I’ve mentioned before, I have gotten in trouble at times because of it. In the office, I was viewed by some as someone who’s subversive and it rubbed some people the wrong way. Gone are those days now, as I realized that volunteering one’s opinion isn’t the smartest idea when most people who are active in social media are under the illusion that what they believe in is the absolute truth. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for people who stick to their beliefs and are ready to defend them to the ground—no matter how far it is from my own views. But what I don’t like these days is the lack of respect. I’m seriously tired of the woke mob. Sure, there is nothing wrong with being socially and politically aware but I am totally AGAINST anyone being canceled and silenced because some felt offended over something. I don’t like the cancel culture because it is a contradiction. Think how funny it is that the most intolerant people just happen to be the people preaching tolerance. 

Maybe it’s because I’m from a different generation and we were taught to grin and bear it; to chalk it up as we can’t always get what we want. But maybe our generation is also to be blamed for it because we are the ones who raised this generation they call “snowflakes”. In short, perhaps my generation did something wrong, IDK. *shrugs*

Another reason why I also took a break on Instagram is how it pressures us to post something “positive” even now when most of us are going through tough times. We don’t want to add up to the toxicity of social media if we chronicle, say, our own bouts with depression on our IG posts, do we? 

Now you might say, well I don’t have to post anything. True. But seeing the beautiful, often-curated posts of my friends can at times mess up with my self-esteem too. Like how when I see a former officemate who is now based overseas, seemingly having the time of her life (they are no longer wearing face masks and can be with friends in bars), just triggers some feeling of envy in me. And I’m not what you’d call an envious person. Other people’s posts sometimes amplify my feeling of loneliness and depression even if I know that not all the nice things I see online happen in real life. Not when most people put up a front. Even so, it is getting to be detrimental to my mental health. 

I know I can simply log off if it’s somewhat causing me distress, but I guess part of me wanted to be off-the-grid, to be not as accessible as before. If you want me, vieni a trovarmi.

I thought it would be hard being I’ve always been “out there” but surprisingly, it felt okay. Instead of being viewed, these days I’d rather be part of the audience. This is why most of my idle times are spent watching TikToks (not that I’m promoting it, as it can also have its ugly side, but at least I don’t follow any of my friends and I can simply scroll up if I don’t like it). I also have a backup Twitter account where only a few friends are privy to (because the Twitter mob is the worst) so if I temporarily deactivate my original account, I wouldn’t be thrown back to the dark ages.

The worst of times bring out the best of people

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

It’s been a while since I posted anything on this blog. It’s not like nothing happened during my absence. The truth is, so many things happened and most of it became too depressing to talk about. I’ll try my best to touch some of it now, just so to explain why my post today is titled as such.

Two days after his birthday my younger brother, the father of my nephews, was rushed to the hospital due to difficulty in breathing. It started the day before when he felt weak and was having a bad cough. I even expressed concerns that it might be COVID, but he adamantly dismissed it. He said he didn’t have any other symptoms other than the cough and said it must be another asthma attack. The following morning it had gotten so bad we had to hook him to an oxygen tank and later on had to be brought to the hospital when that didn’t help.

I’ve already mentioned in the past my frustrations with the lifestyle my brother has chosen for himself. He smokes heavily, sleeps late, eats unhealthy food — I mean, think of every possible abuse one can do to his or her own body, with the exception of drugs and booze, my brother did it. Not to mention the other personality flaws and unpleasant things about him, which I will no longer talk about.

Finding joy and hope in the little things

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

It seems that almost everyone I know personally has family, relatives, friends who had died from COVID. If you’re one who hasn’t been “touched” by this deadly virus, consider yourself lucky and I fervently pray it would stay that way for you.

Last September 11, we have registered a record-high of 26,303 new COVID cases. It’s the highest number of cases logged in a day since this pandemic started last year. I don’t know what we’re doing wrong but I sometimes feel like the Philippines is in a losing battle. Like we’re all in a game of Russian roulette. 

What annoys me more aside from the incompetence of the government in handling the crisis is the non-stop bickering of opposing parties especially that the presidential election is just 7 months from now. 

My Christmas Wishlist (2021 Edition)

Photo by Juliana Malta on Unsplash

Today marks the beginning of the -ber months and for Filipinos, the countdown to Christmas starts now. 

This is the time of the year when I get excited looking forward to my favorite season. Yes, even at my age and even in the midst of this unprecedented pandemic, I’m still excited for Christmas. I like how even in the most depressing of times, the thought of celebrating another one still brings hope and joy for me. 

Guilty Feels

Photo by Pickawood on Unsplash

I believe that materialism will never replace the joy you get from something like having a happy time with your family, watching movies with friends, talking to your boyfriend, going out for dinner with girlfriends, etc. But because we’re waiting out a pandemic and it has been affecting our mental health and overall well-being; I’m constantly looking out for ways to fight the funk. 

Lately, I enjoy getting things for myself and have been spending most of my idle hours just browsing online shopping websites. I haven’t bought any big-ticket items yet but I have a lot on my cart waiting to be ordered. Anything from shelves, glass jars, LED lamps, mattress vacuum, electric face-lift and firming device, nipple tape, multi-port wall chargers, cellphone holder, nose rings, etc. 

Crack

Photo by Camila Quintero Franco on Unsplash

My anxiety is peeking through the crevices once again. I only had two hours of sleep last night⁠⁠—a tell-tale sign that I’m not okay. 

Prior to this pandemic, I’ve never had a serious bout with anxiety that went on for months. Back then, after wallowing for a few days or weeks at most, I’d usually just pick myself up and move on like nothing happened. 

Right now, times have changed, and “not feeling okay” is something that everyone is feeling—even for people you’ve known all your life to be well-rounded, cheery, and easy-going. In my case, I feel this more often now and it has been going on. I just don’t have the energy to do anything other than the things I had to do out of obligation.  

We're back.

Photo by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash

And just like that, it’s already the 8th month of the year, with days mostly wasted away because of the pandemic which has been disrupting everyone’s life since March of last year. 

We are once again back to ECQ for two weeks (August 6-20) because of the highly transmittable Delta variant. The government took a while in deciding as they are well-aware of the economic losses that a two-week lockdown can cause. Besides, another lockdown would mean another round of ‘ayuda’ (cash aid) and frankly, I don’t think the government has enough funds for that.

The threat is very much real, that DOH just said yesterday that we are back to “high risk” classification for COVID-19 with all age groups experiencing the increase in cases. Many hospitals are nearing their full capacity.  

Whatever floats your boat

I can never be a bandwagoner. If for anything, I’m quite the opposite of that—almost impervious. I don’t find myself gravitating towards something that is ‘in’ or ‘popular’ just to have that feeling that I’m not missing out on it. You can’t expect me to like something only because everybody else does. I don’t do something primarily because other people are doing it. I’m the kind who leans to my own preference no matter how unpopular or obscure it is.

It’s not me being a curmudgeonly snob, but more like I’m not that easily influenced. If something ever piques my interest, you can be sure that outside factors almost had nothing to do with it. 

Like how I still don’t know anything about K-Pop, or have not watched a single episode of Game of Thrones to this day, or read any book from the Harry Potter series, or the fact that even if a lot of my friends are going “plantita”, I have not caved in. 

Sometimes I wonder that myself: Is there’s something wrong with me? Am I resistant to what’s popular just because I don’t want to be like all the rest? Then I realize it’s all overthinking; it’s not sheer arrogance or not wanting to conform, but more like being aware that it had to do with my own taste and inclination. It’s a matter of self-expression.

So thankful

Photo by Ruben Hutabarat on Unsplash

The past two weeks were just the worst. We had to rush mommy to the hospital in the early morning of July 3 when she had trouble breathing because of her cough. At first, mom refused to be taken to the hospital that it took an older cousin from the States to convince her via a video call that she has to go because it’s not really looking very good for her. 

When we got to the Emergency Room (thankfully it’s not as congested as the previous months), she was immediately hooked to an oxygen tank to help with her breathing. The ER doctors said her heart rate, SpO2 (oxygen saturation), and blood pressure are okay, with no fever or other alarming symptoms. They deduced mom has pneumonia but as per protocol, she had to be swab-tested just to make sure it’s not COVID. 

Scammed stupid

Photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

You know how it is when you read about some obvious scam and you’d chuckle and say to yourself, “I will never fall for that!” 

When I hear victims say how as if they were manipulated and hypnotized (Tagalog: “budol”), I’d roll my eyes and gloat, “You didn’t see that coming?” 

Arrogance, yes. Always that reasoning, “I’m too smart and savvy to be fooled that way.”

Can't wait for normal

I had my second dose of the COVID vaccine last June 7 and the process was quicker and smoother this time as it only took me less than an hour. 

I was already told by some that the booster shot might show more side effects than the first one and it actually did. This was all new to me as I always get a flu shot every year and never had any after effects, ever. This time though I stayed in bed the whole day because my left arm felt heavy and sore. By nighttime, I got slight chills and a general feeling of discomfort, but nothing that sleeping off can’t remedy.

Money woe is me!

Photo by Konstantin Evdokimov on Unsplash

Not to sound ungrateful but it’s our payday today and I’m not as happy as usual. 

Unless you’re from a well-off family where mom and dad can bail you out when things get a little sticky, or have extra income from a profitable side hustle, I’m sure you’ve been in some level of budget crunch during this pandemic. 

Well, I’m in it now and it does bog me down. 

Current makeup faves

Photo by Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

It’s been a while now since I last bought a pair of shoes, a bag, or a nice dressy blouse. I’m still working from home and would only go out for grocery runs, laundry, and other personal errands. Sometimes I do go out to the mall alone but I feel I can do away with those things for now. 

Until very recently though, I’d find myself buying more makeup. 

The One with the Reunion Aftermath

Photo from HBO Max

This is somewhat a continuation of the previous post and you may skip it if you’re not a Friends fan.

Also, if you haven’t seen Friends: The Reunion but have plans of watching it, skip this post for there will be spoilers ahead.

The One with the Huge Dose of Nostalgia

Who’s excited for the Friends: The Reunion tomorrow? I am!

Can you blame me? I’m a big fan of the show. Friends is the only American series I actually followed and loved. I was 18 when it started and already nearing my thirties when it ended so you can definitely say that it played a major part in my coming of age. 

To put it simply, Friends will always be the best show for me. 

Jabbed

Happy snaps! I finally got my first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine today.

When the COVID vaccination started in the Philippines early this year, I wasn’t exactly in a hurry to get one. When I found out through our HR that Barangay Bel-Air of Makati City is preparing a list for vaccination of non-residents working in Makati, I initially thought it would be best to wait for it knowing that Makati has better logistics and processes compared to Pasay. 

Besides, Chinese vaccine Sinovac was getting such bad rap in the beginning in comparison with AstraZeneca, Pfizer, or Moderna which are developed in the West. It’s easy to understand why most of us are reluctant to get vaccinated and would rather wait for the other brands.

But witnessing how two of my uncles died from COVID within a matter of days was a rude awakening. From that point on, all I’ve been waiting for was a chance to get inoculated. Frankly, I didn’t care anymore what they use on me. 

Getting the vaccine will not make me immune to the virus, but having it will reduce the risk of developing severe COVID complications. For me, that’s what’s important. 

Plank you

Photo by Larisa Birta on Unsplash

This week began with me wincing in pain. 

I should already be feeling some relief now that I started medication, right? Well, if it’s my primary complaint, then there were obvious improvements there. The symptoms that I was having days ago have lessened and I still have another week before my follow-up check-up with my gastroenterologist. 

But what started as an abdominal pain already went on to a full-blown, widespread pain all over my body. Name it: neck, back, legs, shoulders—all throbbing. It seems my body sneakily comes up with something new to torment me every day.

The tricky thing with this is I can’t just take pain relievers or NSAIDs because it’s bad for my stomach. So, for two days I have pain relief patches all over and my Peppermint Oil handy. If I had to take something it’ll be Paracetamol, which might as well be Altoids because it does nothing. 

This can’t be the case for me every single day. I can’t live like this. 

I “gut” an update!

I got the results of my upper abdomen ultrasound last week so let me start with the good news first. 

I have a normal scan for the gallbladder (no gallstones), kidneys, pancreas, spleen, and abdominal aorta. I heaved a sigh of relief knowing that I won’t need to go under the knife after suspecting gallstones earlier.

However, the bad news is I have what they call Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD). 

I hate my "gut"

I’ve been having this ache in my upper abdomen for more than two weeks now. It started as a dull chest pain just between the breastbone (sternum) and then slowly crawled to the lower ribs just right by the diaphragm. Since I don’t have any other symptoms like fever, difficulty in breathing, vomiting, constipation/diarrhea, or anything that can cause alarm like high blood pressure or fast heart rate, I thought it’s costochondritis which I know will go away on its own. 

But when I felt a sudden tightening on my chest—as if I was having a heart attack—while mopping the floor one night, I went and have it checked last week. 

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

I Can Just Say "Thank You"

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Let me change the tone of my blog post for now. I noticed that all my topics had to do with the current COVID situation and sometimes backreading triggers all sorts of anxiety and awful feelings. So please allow me to talk about something that’s a bit light—a happy update (at least for me). 

I HAVE A NEW TV! 

Before you think I’m here to brag about it, I am not. If you read through this, you’ll know the reason for this post.

Through dark days

Photo by Jorge Cortés on Unsplash

Sorry if I have not been updating my blog the past few weeks. So many things have happened and if you also follow me on my other social media accounts, you’d probably know all of it by now. 

It’s hard to update when it’s an unfortunate event over another. Our family went through a tough time recently and it did send most of us to our knees. 

When COVID Hits Close

Photo by Evgeni Tcherkasski on Unsplash

Last Friday my uncle who lives in the same house was tested positive for COVID. He had been complaining of back and joint pains for days which he initially dismissed as rheumatism—until he started to have cough and fever last Thursday. By the next morning, he was already having difficulty breathing which is why he was rushed to the hospital. 

Almost immediately, as we are in the same household, we were asked to have ourselves swab-tested, including the two kids and my senior mom. I had to file an emergency leave at work for the rest of the day because the testing was to be done through the city’s health office. A regular swab test can cost around 7-8K, so it’s good that this is to be paid for by the LGU (considering 10 of us had to be swabbed). 

I don’t know how it’s done through a private clinic, but ours was done in a public-school gymnasium. We filled out a lot of forms and had to be interviewed one-by-one. It’s good that we made it through the cut-off that day and we’ve all been swabbed after an hour. However, since the testing is performed by RITM, it will take about 2-3 days before the results come out. Unlike when such testing is done through a private clinic or hospital where results are given in a few hours. 

Shining Shimmering Splendid

Manila is shining shimmering splendid once again with its high temperature, marking the start of a blazing summer. The heat seems to slowly melt my brain and I could swear I can feel my cerebrospinal fluid leaking through my ears.

Here I go again expressing my loath for this hellish weather and how I’ve always written about this every year. I guess, heat inspires me to pound my laptop keys and write something just to give you—you lucky people from countries along the northern hemisphere who are now wearing hoodies and jackets as you read this—a preview of what we’re experiencing down here near the equator. 

I have to bear the dog days again, which would probably last for another two months. And since nothing has really changed from a year ago, we’re still asked to stay home as much as possible.

Pulse check

To you who’s reading this, I sincerely hope you’re well. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

With everything that’s been happening, checking on you guys is the least I could do. I know many of us are struggling in the midst of this pandemic for all sorts of reasons, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be reaching out to one another and at least have that hope that we’re getting by.

Virtual Meet Burnout

Photo by Chris Montgomery on Unsplash

Before I carry on, let me say that it is a privilege to be given the option to work remotely during the pandemic. I think it’s important that I make this clear as I don’t want people reading this to think I’m complaining about having to work at home.

Now that I’ve cleared that, a year into the world’s embrace of the new normal, I can say that I have adjusted quite well to how most things are conducted on a WFH set-up. From setting schedules, maintaining boundaries, creating ground rules, etc. 

But here’s what I know: I will never be comfortable with Zoom/Microsoft Teams/Webex meetings. 

Staying in my square-meter world

Photo from Unsplash

Since my WFH started, when the line of work and life became almost non-existent, my weekends and time-offs are more important to me than ever. Like a prisoner on parole, I definitely look forward to going out on my day-offs even if the risk of catching Covid is there. 

In my defense, I need it to treat my anxiety from being cooped up in the house for days (which is true) and I had to refresh. Walking is my main form of exercise; going to the mall and doing a little shopping is the easiest way for me to hit that 10,000 steps. Often I treat myself to a nice lunch, or maybe just sit at my favorite coffee shop and fritter the day away—all while making sure I follow the basic protocols strictly. 

But with the speedy surge that’s been happening in Metro Manila, even an “itchy feet” like me would choose to stay home if my reason for going out is not important. Yesterday, the number of new cases hit 5,000—the highest it has ever been since August of last year and experts predict it could go as high as 7,000 daily infections in the coming days. 

These Uncertain Times

Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash

Every day there’s not-so-good news for me. If you don’t believe me, read on.

There’s a steep rise in the cases of COVID-19 possibly due to the mutations of the virus and the easing of some restrictions. In our city alone, we have cases of the UK and the South African virus which is said to spread more quickly. Doctors are no longer seeing individual cases but family clustering in hospitals which means the contagion now affects the entire household. A very close guy friend was tested positive just recently (thankfully he’s only experiencing mild symptoms). 

Even with the vaccines, I don’t see this COVID problem getting resolved soon. We have yet to observe if these vaccines would actually work and many people are hesitant to get inoculated because of the supposed side effects. Many frontliners were also declining vaccines from China and would rather wait for other options. While declining is their absolute right, this would also cause so many delays. 

So yes—I or someone I know can still get it. No one is in the clear yet.

*** 

Bingeing on YT videos

Photo by Creative Christians on Unsplash

I’ve been planning to subscribe to Netflix for months and months now but I also want to replace the TV in my room first before I do that. I don’t think I can watch a full movie or a series on my laptop (or cellphone) for long periods without it straining my already-swollen eyes. 

The Skyworth TV in my room is about to die anytime soon, which is why I’ve been canvassing a replacement since October last year. I don’t have the moolah to buy high-end ones, so I’ve been eyeing this moderately-priced TCL 32-inch Android TV which costs about 12K. My plan was to do a partial cash-out and just do a monthly installment for the balance (I can’t pay it all in cash, not when I still have a lot of bills to think about). Hopefully soon, I will get that brand-new TV and finally the Netflix subscription.

Both ends of the thyroid spectrum

The thyroid is this butterfly-shaped gland that sits right on the lower part of the neck. It may be small, no bigger than two thumbs held together, but it packs a punch since it releases the hormones that are vital in regulating the body’s metabolism, temperature, system functions, and overall growth and development. 

You’ll be surprised how much havoc this teeny gland can cause and how it practically ruined my life. 

Home City

Aerial view of Pasay City

They say that a lot of things can be said about you just by telling people where you’re from and where you chose to stay.

But I don’t entirely believe that. Sure, the environment can mold you to become the person that you are but it doesn’t mean it will totally define you. 

Society seems to suggest that getting away from the place where you grew up is the true barometer of success. The farther from where you’ve been, the better. Sometimes it is frowned upon when you hunker down in one place for most of your life. I know this all too well as I still live in the very same place where I was born and raised. 

Because most of my contemporaries have either moved town or migrated overseas, I do get the taunting “Nandiyan ka pa rin?” (You’re still there?) -question every now and then, even if they knew that most migration or moving away usually happens with the changing of work location or getting married—neither of which I’ve done. 

Happy/Sad

I have talked about my roller-coaster mood the past several months many times here on my blog it’s almost a repetitive topic. I’ve blamed it on everything from the new normal, PMS, or on my hormones going haywire again. 

Photo from Pixabay

I’m quite struggling with it, to be honest, for I’ve always been that person who’d force herself up every single day to deal with it head-on and try as much not to drown. I don’t have the liberty to just sleep and wallow inside my room all day and wait till it all gets better. I have to get up and go to work or follow a day-to-day routine. 

If there’s something I learned over time, being aware that there is a problem is much better than denying it exists. 

Child Car Seat Law

I’ve never been bothered about the fact that our family doesn’t own a car and never once owned one. Apart from the reason that none of us knew how to drive, there are just a lot of other reasons as to why is that — as I’ve said in this blog post. 

It was fine since we knew how to commute. When TNVS or ride-sharing services like Uber (which has since ended its service in the Philippines) and Grab were introduced, it was great. At least if we want to travel comfortably, we can simply book one. 

Just a few days ago, they passed the controversial child car seat law and it sent my head to a tailspin. As per Republic Act No. 11229 or the Child Safety in Motor Vehicles Act, it covers children 12 years old and below aboard private vehicles. Children below 4 feet and 11 inches are not allowed to sit in the front seat and a restraint system appropriate for a child's height, weight, and age must be installed in private vehicles. 

Image from TopGear Philippines

Keeping myself occupied

With the TV in my room nearing its end, I spend most of my time these days wallowing in YouTube videos on my cellphone or laptop. I’ve just discovered Jaime French, who is not your typical makeup artist because she’s hilarious and is just fun to watch (check out her Makeup & Movies and spoofs like “If beauty YouTubers existed in 1999”). I like it when a beauty vlogger has real girl problems and doesn’t take herself way too seriously. Jaime injects humor in the process which makes her videos not boring to watch at all. 

A local counterpart I can say would be Letisha Velasco, who is all-too-funny you’d think she’s just carelessly piling makeup on her face but wait till you see her transformation. Pure talent and skill, that girl.

Photo from Pixabay

While many are spending their time on lockdown doing urban gardening or baking, I spent mine watching a lot of makeup videos—however ditzy that sounds. Even if I’ve never been a big fan of makeup and could live with just an everyday drugstore foundation, powder, eyebrow pencil, and lipstick, I’m actually enjoying it lately. I have only respect for these makeup artists; it only makes sense to use their creativity in a positive way like in a form of self-care.

Anxiety Hits

Years ago, I wouldn’t loosely use words like “depressed” and “anxiety” to describe what I’m feeling. At least for me, you have to be clinically diagnosed with such before you can even use it. I think I was raised that way—to suck it up and shut up. In our family, you are expected to pull yourself together when things get a little tough. 

© Wokandapix

New Year Purge

New Year is always the best time to declutter, whether it’s your living/office space or even your social media account. 

It comes with maturity I think, but over the years I no longer want too many friends. I realized that people do lose friends as they get older and that’s okay. In my case, for example, I’ve gotten rid of toxic relationships in exchange for deeper friendships however few. And that applies in real life and online.