Someone Might Be Watching

There’s this Pinoy joke that if the guy who’s giving you obsessive attention is good-looking, then you can call him a “secret admirer”. Otherwise, he’s a “stalker”.

Box-office movie Kita Kita (2017), some people think this movie romanticizes stalking.

The first time the term “stalker” was actually used to me was when I was in my early 20s. Every day when I come home from my former office, I would see this guy who looked slightly older than me, dressed in work clothes, waiting by the central terminal. After some time I noticed him following me, with his expressionless face, from work till I get home. I never thought much of it at first other than it was a coincidence until I decided to do some “experiment”. I changed my route by getting off the jeepney where we were and then getting on another ⁠⁠— and he did the same! In a panic, I hurriedly went to my older brother’s office. There, after telling him what happened, his female officemate said to me, “Huyyy, may stalker ka.”

Stalker? Why would someone even stalk me? Aren’t stalkers only for celebrities and high-profile people? (I’ve seen the movie The Fan, where my obscure childhood crush Michael Biehn played a deranged fan who stalked a stage actress played by Lauren Bacall, and that’s how I came to know what a stalker is.)

Be that as it may

I just want peace

I wanted to write this without talking about a specific person, without giving away any hint for the very few who knew me well enough to have an idea who it was being referred to. Not when I have succeeded in not talking about the hurt and the pain that was, even to the ones closest to me. The reason why I think this was the first time I  ever wrote about it because it’s hard to speak of it when I can’t even name the person behind my narrative. 

I may have a temper, but it would really take so much for me to get so mad as hell at someone enough to really pretend they never existed. In very rare times this happens, it could be that the person used up all the chances I gave, exploited my kindness, and abused my forgiveness. It’s never cool to be taken advantage of, lied to, cheated on, or just being treated unfairly. Especially when, with God as my witness, I did not deserve such.