Thisclose to a rain dance

Photo by reza shayestehpour on Unsplash

I no longer recall at what stage in my life I started to love the rainy days. All I know is that it’s fairly recent, as I have always associated rain with gloom when I was younger. Back then, it seems that the rain sabotages every plan and every chance I have to go out and have fun. A lot of activities gets cancelled when it rains. And there’s that thing about the gray skies that triggers internal despondency on some people. (Ever wondered why sad music videos had to be shot in the rain?)

But maybe my nouveau love for the rainy days began as I got older when overcast skies and wet grounds no longer send me to emote mode. In the later years, I wasn’t as outgoing as I was, so I’d rather spend my days cooped up at home than go out and bask under the sun’s evil (yes, evil) rays. 

Apparently there’s a word for people who love the rain: Pluviophile. I don’t think I can be considered one because if I’m living in another city like Stockholm or San Francisco, I would choose a sunny day over a rainy day precisely because an average sunny day in these cities are not as bad as ours here in the Philippines. Remember how we all snickered when UK declared a heatwave when the temperature breached 25°C? 

Mga mahinang nilalang. 

A rainy day is a perfect time for me to relax, rest and recharge. The sound of raindrops hitting the roof is particularly soothing for me, and it makes me want to just hit the sack. What most people think is that I like going out because it is what I do every chance I get. What they don’t know is that I only do it to escape the heat gripping us at home. I’m happier when it rains; I have all the excuse to stay home. 

The rain also does wonder in alleviating stress, which is the opposite for me when mercury rises. Nothing stresses me more than moving a little but sweating like a pig.

Summers had become the season I dread the most every year, not only because I incessantly moan about the heat, but it’s also the time of the year that electricity bills shoot up and I couldn’t do anything about it. AC had to be turned on for many hours in a day, as the intense heat can be very risky when we have a senior and kids at home. Electric fans can be likened to dragons spewing fire, so this is really not the time to talk about consuming electricity. 

There’s this joke that you’ll just have to choose what would kill you: a heat stroke or a coronary from the exorbitant electric bill. In the past few months, our electric bill increased by 50%. 

The commute during the hot, humid weather is even worse. The past few days, a 15 to 20-minute commute from our place to the mall, whether by jeepney or taxi, would make me breathe through my mouth under a face mask because the air is particularly heavy. I wasn’t exaggerating, it was that bad. 

I’ve been looking forward to the first rain of May but it was dampened by the announcement of the local weather bureau that we should expect the El Niño phenomenon, which is a period of extreme heat and dry spells. I was hoping it’s a false alarm, but I’m beginning to think that the forecasts were right. See, May is usually the start of the rainy season and yet we barely have experienced real rain. Not even with the threat of “super typhoon” Betty last week, when we didn’t even experience heavy raining here in the Metro when it passed the area of Northern Luzon over the weekend. 

There were dark clouds hanging and a series of loud thunderclaps in the late afternoons for days now but hours later, it’ll only give us light raining—not even enough to cool down the temperature. If for anything, it made nights a swelter. 

Last week, several local news outlets had announced that PAGASA already declared that the rainy season is already here. Then again, they were also quick to say that they are still expecting lower-than-normal rainfall. 

So I’m not sure if the monsoon season can bring respite from the prolonged hot weather we were all experiencing. Another Tropical Depression has entered the Philippine Area of Responsibility (PAR) yesterday, which they named Chedeng, but I’m still not feeling it.  Looking at my computer now, even when it’s mostly cloudy outside, the temperature still registers at 32°C (89.6°F). 

I’m thisclose to doing the rain dance. I’ve had enough of this dry, hot spell. 

Hello there, stranger.

Months flew by with me realizing that I haven’t blogged since January. If it hadn’t been for the yearly notification of my domain expiration this month, I wouldn’t even know it’s been that long.

Honestly, I don’t miss it. I’m too stressed and anxiety-ridden these days to even find the time in my often-mundane day to blog. I am also quite emotional most of the time, as people who follow me on Twitter can notice. I don’t want to post something here on my blog that was solely fueled by strong emotions only to regret it afterwards.

Then again, I also can’t find it my blogger heart to stop for good and let my domain expire so I did pay $17 for the renewal fee.  

To those who care enough to ask, I’m good. A nervous nellie most of the time but clinging to sanity. I don’t know if it was because I’m pushing fifty in a few more years, and there’s that feeling of dread—but I worry about a lot of things to the point of overthinking. I know stressing over things can’t be good, but it’s something that I just can’t help. 

Mommy is still having health issues every so often. One day she’s okay, the next she isn’t feeling well. Quite frankly, most of her bodily discomfort were a direct result of her stubbornness. Like how, a few days ago, I saw her cleaning the inside of the fridge using bleach (don’t even ask me why). Of course, I called her out and said that inhaling bleach is (historically) bad for her.

She scowled, “Wag mo ‘nga akong pakelaman ha!” (Stop meddling and let me be!)

A few days later she got a very bad cough that the doctor had to give her a regimen for pneumonia—mostly strong antibiotics. She felt better in less than a week, thank God, but then we caught her again spraying insecticide inside the house. When my kuya *gently* reminded her that she just went through rounds of antibiotics and that she has just recovered, they got into an argument with her ultimately saying: “Mamatay na kung mamatay.” (If I die, I die.)

Toxic, emotional retorts and sudden outbursts such as that can throw me and my brothers off. I mean, how do you respond to that? 

So even if our chest feels like exploding, we try to manage by avoidance because obviously she resents being told what to do even if it’s being done for her own good. When that happens, we go upstairs and simmer down. Arguing with her is useless and frustrating.

When I’m losing patience, I pray.

When I’m getting frustrated, I pray.

When I get scared, I pray.

When things are getting a bit harder to carry, I pray.

In short, praying keeps me going these days.

 ***

Meanwhile, work is something that I’ll always be thankful for. It isn’t giving me the same amount of tension compared to what’s happening in the household. Thanks to the autonomy/healthy company culture and the freedom that is being given to us we don’t feel pressured. I report for work at 7 AM, clock out at 4 PM. Weekends are golden.

My work also pays me enough for my bills and provided me the joy of being able to afford the little things for me and my family. 

Our company has already given up some of our office floors at the RCBC Plaza, which only means that working from home will be for good. The very few remaining employees who chose to work onsite and was given consideration for the past several months are now being asked to do what’s necessary to start working remotely.

My brother and I have already surrendered to the reality that we will never be office people again, so we are currently taking baby steps to make working from home as comfortable and as stress-free for us as possible. 

At the moment my workstation is situated in a common area at home just right beside our dining area. I can’t tell you how working in a common area of the house can be particularly distressing. I asked my kuya if we could do something in our shared room upstairs so I could instead set my workstation there (which was actually where I was when I was still using my own laptop and not the company-issued desktop). He agreed to give up some of our old cabinets so my table could fit right in.

The only thing that is stopping us from moving there is the unforgiving weather. We have an old non-inverter window-type AC upstairs, and we don’t usually use it because we feel it consumes so much electricity. Our room upstairs turns to a giant microwave in the afternoon, that it’s almost impossible to stay there with only electric fans running. We are waiting for the rainy season to finally come in before I move there, and I think being away from everyone while working can make my every day less nerve-wracking.

Kuya plans to make our shared room like some fortress of solitude, for if there’s anyone who understands the mental strain I’m going through, it’s him. We have given ourselves a timetable: before next summer, a new inverter aircon and accordion door by the stairs should already be installed, sliding ones to replace the jalousie window to let natural light come in, walls painted, etc. It’s kind of our pet project. Maybe working at my favorite spot in our very small house can do wonders for my overall wellbeing.   

Giving back the same energy

Photo by Jessie McCall on Unsplash

This female celebrity, who I never liked eversince, is in the news again for smearing the icing of her birthday cake to a server.

I’m really not into this cancel culture but can we please teach her a lesson this time?

I don’t tolerate disrespect especially when it comes to service people as they are not paid enough to be treated rudely. How would anyone feel if the server is your brother, father, friend or boyfriend and you saw him being laughed at after this celebrity smeared chocolate icing on his face?

And what pains me every time something like this happens, is how the server can’t do anything out of fear of getting fired. In this case he just stood there, surprised, kept a straight face, unable to do anything.

I’ve never worked as a server, but I empathize with them because I have worked in customer service and have my fair share of irate customers and guests and their unreasonable demands and verbal abuse.  It’s hard enough for service people to earn a decent living, but for other people to make it harder for them by treating them rudely when they are just simply doing their jobs is just too much.

I have a degree in Business Administration Major in Marketing, but I never believed in the saying “Customer is King”. I remember rolling my eyes in class when my teacher was discussing this during one of our sessions. Take note that this was the early-to-mid `90s, but even then, I felt that the saying is so dated. “The customer is always right”-slogan is so turn-of-the-century. There’s nothing wrong in giving customer a quality customer service, but not at the expense of the customer service people. Being too customer-centric means that you don’t support your own people. When I was still a phone agent dealing with hotel guests, I hate it when my manager would throw me under the bus and side with an unreasonable guest and give them what they want despite all my best efforts.

I usually mind my own business and avoid social interactions, but I am also that type of person that would stand up for a service person at any given time. There’s something about it that triggers me to do something and not just stand there and watch the abuse and feel sorry for the service person. I will not hesitate to call out a customer acting like an entitled toddler and disrespecting a service employee. In some instances, I end up arguing with them.  

If you are on the other side of this as a customer, always make sure that what you’re asking for is reasonable to begin with. Be kind with your words. Remember that you merely paid for the service, but not for the other person’s dignity. If you are a bit inconvenienced, it’s okay to let them know but make it a point that you’d still be courteous or at the least, civil. No matter how high you think of yourself,  you are not, in any way, above them. 

Never, ever make fun of them for a good laugh. This is so common these days because a lot are making careers out of the internet by playing pranks. I’ve seen this Tiktok video of a drive-thru girl who threw a drink to the customer after the driver loudly beeps the car’s horn at her. I say that is deserved.

I really believe we should normalize service people giving back the same energy, whether it’s negative or positive, that a customer is giving them. I also think that we should not just stand and watch when we see things like this. Our inaction is enabling these people to keep doing it.