Exotica

A few years ago I got invited to an intimate dinner for selected readers of a women’s fashion and beauty magazine. It was quite an experience meeting fellow long-time readers and rubbing elbows with the editorial staff over chips, pizza, pasta and cocktail. The event was a meet-up mainly to get insightful feedback about the magazine plus a chance to get suggestions for them to improve.

They set up four tables with around 40 people in total and I was seated facing directly the well-respected editor-in-chief who I so admire since my years fresh out of college. It wasn’t a formal set-up as they made sure it will be just like the kind of conversation one would have with female friends.

As expected, it started with the usual introductions: name, age, occupation, single or taken, how long have you’ve been reading the magazine, what are your thoughts about it, and so on. After a while, the atmosphere became more casual, with some opening up on their personal details.

Even if most of the attendees were women in their 20s and I was already in my mid-30s then, I didn’t feel out of place. I might not be overly fond of socializing especially with people that aren’t my friends, but I know how to hold my own when needed. I was actually having a good time.

For whatever reason, the conversation veered towards relationships and marriage. It was no biggie for most people on the same table when I let them know my age and status, until this girl seated adjacent to me, who was sporting a Mamma Mia Christine Baranski haircut (and by the way was being a self-absorbed b*tch the whole night), chimed in: “Okay lang `yan, habang may Europe, may pag-asa.” — which actually translates to: “As long as there are Europeans, you have hope.”

I glared at her, with so many counter-insults racing in my head, but decided to just let it go as I don’t want to sound defensive if I clap back. There was a three-second awkward silence before the editor-in-chief came to my rescue and proudly said, “I got married in my forties!”

Maybe to some, the remark wasn’t offensive at all, but for me it was. While it wasn’t delivered rudely, it was meant to poke fun at me. It’s lacking propriety that she say that, let alone to someone she barely know. To think, there was never a moment the entire evening that I made it look like I was desperately seeking companionship.

I know comments are subject to one’s own interpretation and it’s up to me if I’d allow it to affect me. The problem with her statement was it’s malicious and it seemingly implied that my case was hopeless (after all, she used the word “pag-asa”). It’s just like saying that if I can’t find a pinoy for a boyfriend, then I should fret not as there are foreigners. Like only then will I have a fighting chance.

Que horror. How was it that even in this liberal age, girl-on-girl shaming when it comes to relationship status (or the lack of) still happens? And why the need to objectify another person?

Another reason why the statement was off-putting is because we are all familiar of this conventional belief of the narrow-minded that when a Filipina is seen with a foreigner, someone will always make fun of how the woman looked.

“Mahilig talaga ang mga foreigners sa pangit.” 

“Sa exotic!”

“Sa pangit nga.”

Not that I believe it, but I’m willing to bet that you have heard of such nasty remarks too. It is not uncommon for a Filipina to be judged at situations like this. Not only that many would think that she’s just after the money, the Green Card and the financial security, but people will likely attack her on the physical. That is because “pangit” for some Filipinos are the short, dark, broad-nosed women.

Exotic eh. 

I’ve also been described as “exotic” (not followed by the word “beauty”, mind you) and quite frankly I don’t like it as there’s nothing exotic about my features. Whoever said that might have something else in mind.

I know the word itself is not bad as it can mean a lot of things including being strikingly unusual but often when you use it to describe one’s looks, then it could be somewhat tricky.

“Exotic? Parang iguana?” 

Call me touchy but I don’t want a word that is often used to describe snakes or rafflesias used on me when it comes to classifying how I look.

“Mahilig kasi ang mga foreigner sa exotic.” 

I mean, are they talking about fetishization in general? It’s absolutely not the same as having a quirky feature like freckles. Saying “exotic” is definitely about a trait unique to a race or ethnicity. Was it my skin color? My naturally black straight hair?

It’s good that slowly some prejudices about beauty is changing. There are so many advocacies now that encourages everyone to embrace their looks even if it doesn’t fall in the same spectrum as the ideal. But admit it or not, we have a long way to go.

And some people should stop shaming single women, for crying out loud! Do women really require a man (whether a local or foreigner) to validate her self-worth? You tell me.