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| Photo by Patrick Hendry |
I’m sure you have read about many articles on the perks of being single so I won’t add any to that anymore. Also, coming from me, writing about that would sound a little 'on the defensive'.
While I made up my rather delusional mind that if it isn’t going to be Chris Evans then I’d rather not, I’d be lying through my teeth if I say that everything about being single is perfect and blissful because it isn’t. I admit there are tougher days when I wish I was in a relationship. I hope that acknowledging this though doesn’t make me an emotional weakling but more of just me being human wanting affection and longing for love like everyone else.
The truth is, no matter how strong you are, there is only so much that you can get by on your own. There are some emotional needs that even the closest family and most loyal of friends just can’t fill. Let me tell you some of the (very rare) times when I wished I wasn’t single.
Having dinner with friends
I was never envious of friends that are in a relationship but sometimes having catch-up dinner with them always makes me feel a bit lonely after. My friends and I (we call ourselves Cuatro Amigas) make it a point to meet up maybe once or twice a year (no husbands and boyfriends allowed) and it’s one of my favorite times of the year that I look forward to.
But what they don’t know is that when it’s time to call it a night, and that they’d either be picked-up or would have someone home waiting for them, it makes me sad as I don’t have that. I tell you, even if self-pity was never my style, nothing else could be more perfect for a scene of Celine Dion’s “All by Myself” music video than getting a taxi ride home late at night. It’s definitely one of those times I’d go, bakit ba ako nag-iisa?
When I was hospitalized
I don’t want to sound ungrateful to family and relatives who were in the hospital the very few times I was there, but it was then when I realized being in a relationship with someone that moment would make a lot of difference.
When I had my surgery and we were all worried about so many things including the medical bills, I remember telling my cousin that I wish I had a husband or a boyfriend who will tell me everything’s gonna be okay and perhaps even share the responsibility with.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need to be rescued from my finances. I was able to pay for everything on my own, haven't I? It’s just that at that point, I want to unload some of what I’ve been carrying with somebody other than family and friends.
Another thing is when I was wheeled out of the operating room after, the people I saw the moment I opened my eyes are my brothers, sister-in-law, nephews and cousins. It’s sad to think that I may not come out of the surgery alive and yet I don’t have a significant other waiting for me.
Come to think of it, even if you’re just sick in bed, sometimes you wish for someone who will take care of the helpless and whiny you. You can’t expect that kind of attention from family members all the time.
Fighting the stigma
It’s not only other people who had stigmatized me for being single, sometimes I feel that from my own kith and kin.
They say you cannot choose the relatives you were born into so you’ll just have to accept it. It has to be said that my father’s side of the family—my uncles, if I may be more specific—is probably the most judgmental people you’ll ever meet. Their favorite pastime would be sitting by the gate of the house and just talk about the lives of the people passing by, whether they know them personally or not. And I, being their own niece, is not exempted from that.
What’s amusing is that all of them are almost deaf so they don’t realize that even when talking amongst themselves, their voices are so loud that people can actually hear them. Many times, when they see me coming from the corner of our street (which is still a few meters from our house), they’d go:
“Ayan na parating na, tignan niyo, hindi makabati yan.” (Here she comes. Notice how she’ll ignore us.)
“Kaya nga siguro tumandang dalaga yan eh.” (No wonder she ends up a spinster.)
Wow. They made it sound that singlehood was some sort of a curse. A punishment for something I did wrong in my life.
First, if saying excuse me before passing right by them meant that I was being disrespectful, then I don’t know how else to behave around them. I don’t know why they still interpret it that way when even as a little girl they know me as quiet and reserved.
Second, how dare they link my demeanor to the fact that I’m single.
It’s funny how some people can draw their own crazy conclusions based on how they perceive others. The disgrace around being single in your forties is downright absurd and it’s something I’m forced to face every day. It’s like a disease that needed to be cured. That I am a lesser woman because I am not married. That I am pitiful. That I have high standards and impossible expectations. Some even supposed that I haven’t gotten over the sudden death of my boyfriend seventeen freaking years ago. Some think I don’t have a single romantic bone in my body. OMG.
Bottomline: They always have something to say.
Because of this sometimes I wish I have someone just to silence all those people and their misconceptions of me. I know it’s too shallow wanting to be in a relationship for this reason, but if only to let them realize that there is nothing relatively wrong with me and maybe that it will eventually shut them up.
Just wanting someone to talk to
You’ve all heard that line from the Corrs song:
“I’m not looking for someone to talk to. I’ve got my friends, I’m more than okay.”I know my friends, no matter how busy they are with their own lives, they would drop everything at a moment’s notice if they knew I needed someone to talk to. They have always been dependable especially during the lowest moments of my life.
However, there is still that kind of talks that don’t need that same urgency, or maybe something that you don’t even want to talk about even to your closest friends—whether it’s something that happened at work or this new movie or even remembering a funny story that almost made you peed your pants—things so trivial you wouldn’t want to bother your friends with anymore. I mean, you can’t pour out every single thing to them, right?
Perhaps this is one of the things I miss most about being in a relationship. Having someone there to talk to when everything seems to bum you down. And boy, I can be quite a talker.
Wanting Intimacy
Do I need to spell this out for you?
If you aren’t single and granted that you’re in a normal relationship (not LDR), you can count on someone to be there to hold your hand, give you cuddles, kisses, hugs, back rubs and of course—a lot more. Intimacy (most especially sexual intimacy) in a relationship is very important. Anyone who says it isn’t can come to me so I can slap the bejeezus out of them.
Everyone needs to be “touched”; It’s the most basic of all the five senses and it’s very crucial in a relationship. Even someone with a tough mien like me wanted that. God, I’m only human.
So there. Apart from the little things like nobody taking my pictures (and me ending up having selfies, LOL) or carrying my heavy groceries—to something big like already second-guessing my self-worth or starting to wonder if I’d ever get to feel crazy in love with someone again, one thing is true: being single is not easy at all which is why sometimes, I wish I wasn’t.
Before you start getting all these crazy ideas, this isn’t a pity piece and definitely not an indirect cry for help. This is just me being honest that I’m not always the supersinglewoman I seemed to be.
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