Just a few mornings ago, I received a message from my cousin from Sweden. She asked if I was okay because she noticed that my blog posts the past few days seem…sad.
The truth is, while I’m not particularly depressed, I also couldn’t say that everything’s okay. After all, it’s hard to be in high spirits with what’s happening right now with the pandemic and all. Now more than ever, I’m beginning to understand how staying indoors can take its toll on anyone’s mental health. I am a creature of habit, and there are things I do that give me fulfillment. Self-isolation had put most of those everyday distractions on hold indefinitely.
The current issues that I read and hear about, plus the clownery that is our government, stress me out every single day. Probably stemming from the same stress and frustration is the general malaise I’ve been having the past few days. It can be anything from stomachache, headache, dizziness, nausea, lower back pain, feeling fat and fugly and…you guessed it right...being sad for no clear reason at all.
I don’t feel like myself. I feel emotional, bored, stagnant, disoriented, and worn-out. It’s like there’s nothing to look forward to as I am doing the same things over and over again. What sucks is that it comes in waves, and like waves, it knocks me down and pulls me up only to be knocked down and pulled up again.
With the increasing confirmed cases and having people I know personally who were tested positive, I am more scared now than when the pandemic started months ago. I feel safer back then because there aren’t that many people outside. Now that most restrictions are eased, people are going back to their lives as if the virus is no longer there. Some are following guidelines while others don’t.
I don’t go out as often as I do before and would only do when it’s absolutely necessary (like withdrawing cash from the ATM or grocery-shopping). I even regretted it when I brought my nephews to the park for the first time in months two Sundays ago, after reading that the virus might actually be airborne.
Then there’s the looming worry about keeping our jobs. Hotel and Travel industry is one of the hardest hit this pandemic that even for a global company such as ours, nothing is ever known for sure. Four months since the virus that crippled the world, we now know that shit’s getting real when it was announced that they have to let go of people.
They said, “it’s okay not to be okay”, no one is expected to be happy and positive all the time. We all should understand that sometimes there’s that dark cloud hanging over our heads and whatever it is we’re feeling, it is valid and we don’t always have to put on a brave face. But while it's okay to be inexplicably sad or down about something, it doesn't mean I should be in it for the long haul.
If you noticed in my last few posts, I have been hinting about a past hurt. While my cousin mistook it for something else (and I thank her for checking up on me), it’s actually me simply dealing with it. I realized that the more I don't speak of it, the more it nags me inside. It only adds to the heavy emotions that had been saddling me. The good news is I was able to reconcile with the person recently and I was given the chance to let all the corked-up feelings out. God, it was such a relief.
Not to discount my other family members, but my nephews are perhaps one of the everyday blessings I’m always thankful for. They may be a cause of my stress sometimes, but their wacky antics and innocent thoughts can easily turn my frown upside down.
I don’t want to sink further deep. I want to snap out of this slump soon because while it’s a familiar and normal feeling, I don’t want to be in a rut for long. I usually deal with it by acknowledging the emotions, overcoming them, and moving on.
They said, “it’s okay not to be okay”, no one is expected to be happy and positive all the time. We all should understand that sometimes there’s that dark cloud hanging over our heads and whatever it is we’re feeling, it is valid and we don’t always have to put on a brave face. But while it's okay to be inexplicably sad or down about something, it doesn't mean I should be in it for the long haul.
If you noticed in my last few posts, I have been hinting about a past hurt. While my cousin mistook it for something else (and I thank her for checking up on me), it’s actually me simply dealing with it. I realized that the more I don't speak of it, the more it nags me inside. It only adds to the heavy emotions that had been saddling me. The good news is I was able to reconcile with the person recently and I was given the chance to let all the corked-up feelings out. God, it was such a relief.
Not to discount my other family members, but my nephews are perhaps one of the everyday blessings I’m always thankful for. They may be a cause of my stress sometimes, but their wacky antics and innocent thoughts can easily turn my frown upside down.
I don’t want to sink further deep. I want to snap out of this slump soon because while it’s a familiar and normal feeling, I don’t want to be in a rut for long. I usually deal with it by acknowledging the emotions, overcoming them, and moving on.
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