All That “Sugar Daddy”-talk

Photo by Melanie Kreutz on Unsplash

The beginning of the year overwhelmed me with bills and other money worries and it got too much that I was already having anxiety attacks because of it. 

Before y’all get judgy on me, I’m not really bad in my finances. I usually spend within my means, not into buying things that are branded or expensive and I don’t borrow money from other people (see, when I was younger, I borrowed money from a relative and when I wasn’t able to pay on time she went and told our other relatives about it so that became a lesson to me not to do it again). 

But, yeah, I guess no matter how good you are in handling money matters, there will always be a time that bills would come one after the other and then another and another. Things like this can stress just about anyone and I know I’m not alone in this.  

I usually rant on my Twitter (It’s my social media account where I almost have no filter) and if you are the very few who follow me there you know that I have tweeted recently about how, if I were way younger than I am now, that I’d really get a “sugar daddy” because I had it with adulting problems. Of course, I meant that jokingly (and yes, maybe it’s half-meant) but I didn’t realize it’s going to bombard my DM with “offers”. 

I know these offers are scams. When you tweet the words “sugar daddy” or “sugar baby” be ready to get a DM from a “daddy” account. You can read it here.

***

I grew up having seen films portraying this relationship as that of a young woman getting money and material things in exchange for sexual favors from an older, moneyed married man. Society dictates it’s immoral simply because such an arrangement is predatory and it often leads to adultery.  

It’s easy to see what’s in it for the woman, but for the man, there can be a lot of reasons why they do it. Dating a woman half their age can feed any man’s ego. But I believe it also stems from men’s desire to be needed and for having that savior complex. Maybe some even do it for altruistic reasons, who knows?  

In recent years of the woke, they have become more accepting of this growing practice. I would see women on Tiktok revealing themselves as “sugar babies” like it’s a legit and glamorous career. There are even websites for this sort of thing where you can be matched to a wealthy man who will spoil and pamper you. It isn’t clear if all of them demand sex in exchange because I’ve also encountered women saying all they have to do is message their “sugar daddy” so perhaps it could be just for companionship or giving in to whatever the man’s whims or fetishes. 

A friend who has had a string of a**holes for boyfriends once told me: “I wish I had been paid for each sexual encounter with them then probably I’m filthy rich now”. Mulling over this, I realized why some women would willingly jump on the sugaring boat instead. I mean, would it hurt to be absolved from bills, debts, and other financial obligation for the price of companionship (and whatever else come with it) when most women would enter a relationship and invest so much then leave them with nothing but emotional damage when it fails? 

A lot of younger women now had given up on their fairy tales quite early and chose to be a kept woman instead. No judgment there, really. Times are tough. Then again, I don’t think many Filipinas are into sugar dating because until now, most foreigners still see us as women who will marry for money anyway. 

While mutually beneficial, it’s the women who are into these relationships that are harshly judged because many likened such arrangements to prostitution. Men don’t get the same brunt from society. If for anything, many would even admire the men who are into this.

Before you get crazy ideas—I am not writing this to look for a sugar daddy. At 45, I’m too old to be a sugar baby, to begin with. Besides, I feel I’ve nothing to offer to the opposite sex anymore (LOL) except an intellectual conversation and a quirky, often-misunderstood personality. 

Many times my friends and I would flippantly tell among ourselves how it would be great to have some sort of a “benefactor” who will shower us with lavish items and save us when times are getting tough. My friend Tin and I, while watching ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ years ago, jokingly asked each other what Christian Grey could possibly offer for us to agree to his kinks. Maybe, embedded in our subconscious is the possibility of getting into it when given the chance. Honestly, it’s not like it didn’t cross our minds.

I guess the real question is: If you were offered to be one, would you do it? I don’t know. 

For me, sugaring is a mere quid pro quo arrangement. A relationship is something else much deeper. And since it’s a thin line, I would rather not cross it.

The point of my post is that I have more understanding than revulsion on these sugar relationships. In general, women wanted to be spoiled and pampered. But not every woman is lucky enough to find a man that would love and spoil them with money and material things at the same time so it remains to be on top of a woman’s (wholesome) fantasy. Why do you think movies like ‘Pretty Woman’ were such a hit? Because we all hope that one day there will be that man who’d truly love us but will also make it a point to take care of us by providing for us.