Pulse check

To you who’s reading this, I sincerely hope you’re well. 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

With everything that’s been happening, checking on you guys is the least I could do. I know many of us are struggling in the midst of this pandemic for all sorts of reasons, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be reaching out to one another and at least have that hope that we’re getting by.

The other day, two people I know (although not very close with), died. One was from our office (Covid) and the other was from the same choir I once belong (heart attack). The latter was even in the video I posted on Instagram and Facebook of our choir singing a Christmas song last December. Both passing came in as a shock to me as it seems to have come out of nowhere. 

Every day I’d see someone posting on Facebook about losing a loved-one (Covid related or not), losing their job, getting sick, dealing with financial difficulties, or just having it bad on something. It’s no longer a question of who’s having it worse, the fact that we are all dealing with something evens it out. Whoever said this is a contest anyway?

The thing is most people will tell you they’re okay when it’s clearly not. At times, I’m very much guilty of that too only because I don’t want to saddle someone with my own problems and worries knowing that everybody’s having their own. Saying, “I’m okay” became everyone’s default reply when asked, even if there are tell-tale signs of distress. 

Right now most of us are living on a day-to-day basis with the uncertainty of it all due to the pandemic. Acknowledging the fact that there are just things that are getting too much to handle is better than denying that the problem and the worry exist. Remember, it doesn’t make us any weak to admit that we’re not okay.

*** 

I slept early last night but kept waking up. This is the first time in a long time that I experienced interrupted sleep. The first time I was roused, I tried sleeping again but woke from some bad dream I barely remember. Glancing at my phone I initially blamed the weather, as it’s 29℃ (84.2°F), but I know it’s not just the heat or night flashes. I had this weird gut-feel on something else, like, I need to check on people that very moment to see if they’re okay. 

That’s what I did exactly, I messaged specific people who I haven’t heard from in a while. I know I could have waited for the morning to check on them but I feel I had to go with my gut that second as I was feeling a bit edgy. 

I don’t have any urgent, logical reason for doing so, only that I’d like to let them know that they’re in my thoughts. That even with the distance and the fact that I have my own grievances and worries, they can still count on me. 

I know merely checking on them will not solve their problem, but that was never my intention for reaching out. It’s just letting them know that there’s someone that they could go to once they’re ready to talk and open up.

Because whether we admit it or not, knowing that we have someone who cares for us is way better than thinking we’re all alone.