Virtual Meet Burnout

Photo by Chris Montgomery on Unsplash

Before I carry on, let me say that it is a privilege to be given the option to work remotely during the pandemic. I think it’s important that I make this clear as I don’t want people reading this to think I’m complaining about having to work at home.

Now that I’ve cleared that, a year into the world’s embrace of the new normal, I can say that I have adjusted quite well to how most things are conducted on a WFH set-up. From setting schedules, maintaining boundaries, creating ground rules, etc. 

But here’s what I know: I will never be comfortable with Zoom/Microsoft Teams/Webex meetings. 

I was never comfortable with video calls (Skype, FaceTime, Facebook Messenger) to begin with— regardless if it’s with a friend, a colleague, or even with the ex. Not that I hated it, and definitely had nothing to do with the person on the other end, it’s just that I’m overly self-conscious. Being gazed at directly and maintaining eye contact are just the pits. On most video calls, I’d either be looking down or looking away. Sometimes, I’d just turn off the video. 

It’s weird how I can’t stand looking at myself and can’t stop looking at myself on videos at the same time. Seeing my three chins, my big forehead, or that pimple scar is enough to distract me from what I am about to say or from what the speaker is saying. This is the very reason why I don’t see myself jumping from blogging to vlogging ever, even if more people now would rather watch than read. Call it vanity if you want, but I worry about how I’d register animated on video. I feel I’d be judged and scrutinized. 

And while good (preferably natural) lighting is the best filter, it helps very little when your laptop camera only has 0.9MP photo quality like mine. For that, I need to at least fix myself and apply some makeup just to look pleasant enough. 

And oh, yeah — I have to wear a bra. 

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I am not alone in this sentiment; many hated online meetings for all sorts of reasons: Screen freezing, slow internet connection, awkward silence, background noise, pixilated images, the feeling of being watched, eyestrain, among many other things.  

Now that most people are working from home and everything’s moved online, video meeting is something that I will not be able to avoid. Lately, virtual meetings have become more frequent simply because we are not physically in the office. Since working remotely, it’s as if we always need to talk things through on video meetings just to have social interaction. Even if some of these meetings we can really do away with just by sending an e-mail or a chat, it had to be done because it’s the only way we can check on each other. 

Most meetings require you to turn your video on and this can be unnerving even on one-on-one coachings. It’s not like a video can match a normal face-to-face conversation but yeah, oftentimes it is required. I wish I could opt-out and just let my professional-looking avatar from my LinkedIn page be all that they see. 

I would have at least one in a week or up to multiple times in a day. When I have a schedule for one, it gives me an overwhelming sense of unease. You don’t know how much I’d love to hit “No” on the RSVP when I receive e-mail invites for one. But with all the uncertainty and worry about my work continuity, that’s not an option. Otherwise, they may see this as non-performance and lack of concern for my job. 

Last week, I had one after the other; even had to facilitate a training for my colleagues at ten o'clock in the evening. I tell you, as soon as I turned off my laptop, I was bleary-eyed and mentally exhausted. It’s been a very long workday and screen fatigue is real. 

It made me realize how I’d choose to tackle files and files of my projects any day than sit through a virtual meeting. It makes no difference if I’m the speaker or a mere attendee, it’s still not my favorite activity for the day. 

If you’ll be presenting, the preparation before and the many challenges during the call are just nerve-wracking. You prepare Powerpoint presentations, maybe even rehearse a little. You also have to make sure that your positioning is okay so as not to cut off your own head with bad camera angles. You even have to check the lighting and tidy up the background.

I’d tell my nephews beforehand not to go upstairs when I’m at a meeting, but this doesn’t stop the little one from crashing by and bobbing his head so he could see himself on the screen. Background noises such as the whirring of the electric fan or AC, kids yelling, the TV downstairs, or vehicles passing by can be somewhat embarrassing that you have to be pretty quick on the mute button. 

Since it is work-related, be ready to share a document or even your entire screen for everyone to see. Unless your computers are company-issued, not everyone is keen to share the desktop of his or her personal laptop with anyone. This is especially true to me. While it clearly says on the “About Me” of this blog that I am “unapologetically obsessed with Chris Evans”, colleagues seeing him as my laptop wallpaper might be professionally unbefitting, but I will not change it at the last minute just because I have a presentation to do.

The set-up itself is awkward; a tile of people’s distorted heads on the screen and you don’t know if someone is staring and watching your every move. This is the difference when you’re actually in a meeting or even sitting face-to-face with another person—you know when they are actually looking at you. In a video meeting, you have no way of knowing this and for some reason, you feel exposed.

Video meetings require more focus; more focus to decipher non-verbal cues and body language.  This is especially difficult if you are the speaker and you have the floor. You have to be self-aware from your gestures up to the tone and pitch of your voice. Discussing something while everyone’s microphone’s off can be eerily uncomfortable. Seeing your listeners looking away will make you feel you’re disconnected.

“Do you have any questions?” I’d ask them, more like to check, if they’re still with me.

About 6-10 seconds later, in unison they’d go, “Noneeeeeee”—in varying tones overlapping each other after they tussled for the unmute button all at the same time.

It's easy to see how a few seconds of delay can be mistaken for unfriendliness, lack of interest, or plain rudeness. Speakers are then forced to be witty and entertaining just to be engaging. Even for someone like me who’s never scared of public speaking (it’s actually one of my few strengths), this can be a little daunting. Virtually, it’s hard to read head and eye movements and switch views to see everyone. 

Being a mere participant on the other hand requires you to be active and attentive or at least pretend you are. You have to multi-task while chained to your chairs. You have to listen to what the speaker is saying, nod exaggeratedly just to let the speaker know you are wide-awake. Eventually, you’ll strain your eyes looking at slide after slide. All that while checking your face every chance you get.  

Then again, you know it. Love it or hate it, virtual meetings are here to stay until we return to in-person life. Most of us will have no choice but to get used to it. And while it still gives me some anxiety knowing that I’ll have this in the coming months, I had to look at the camera and put on my winning smile.