I Can Just Say "Thank You"

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Let me change the tone of my blog post for now. I noticed that all my topics had to do with the current COVID situation and sometimes backreading triggers all sorts of anxiety and awful feelings. So please allow me to talk about something that’s a bit light—a happy update (at least for me). 

I HAVE A NEW TV! 

Before you think I’m here to brag about it, I am not. If you read through this, you’ll know the reason for this post.

I’ve told you about the TV in my room that had been acting up since last year. While I’ve been meaning to have it replaced, there are just a lot of other things that I have to prioritize expense-wise so I had been putting off getting a new one for a while now. I thought it could wait. 

The past few weeks, I could no longer enjoy anything that I was watching. The audio is still okay but the images are like what you’d see in thermal imaging goggles. My nephews no longer stay in my room to watch cartoons or their favorite movies because of it. It got so frustrating that I stopped watching anything on it and just decided on a Netflix subscription so at least I can have something to watch on my laptop or phone especially at night when it can get particularly lonely without a TV to drown the silence. 

Kuya had initially offered we buy one and just split the cost since we share a room anyway. It was a good offer; I wouldn’t have to fork out a large amount to get myself a mid-range smart TV. But then kuya was already spending on a lot of things at home since last year. He shelled out so much when we had the kitchen renovated (it looks great now). He also paid to have our walls repainted and bought other stuff like a new bed and couch. Kuya is even planning to have our flooring fixed. It’s a bit embarrassing that I hadn’t contributed anything and how he didn’t obligate me. With all of these, I didn’t bug him about getting the TV anymore. He had a lot on his plate. 

So imagine my surprise when someone’s generosity made it all happen! 

Let me back up there for a while before all youse raise eyebrows. This person had been reaching out and offering all sorts of help for a while now but I had been refusing it. See, I don’t usually just jump at offers from well-meaning people especially when we’re talking about money and material things. As a matter of fact, even while I can be candid at times when it comes to needing something or admitting I’m broke, I wasn’t actually opening up to solicit help. 

The truth is I am really not comfortable receiving expensive gifts, monetary or otherwise. Maybe it has something to do with how my parents raised us to not take advantage of people or be an object of pity. I’m fine spending within my means. I had never been in deep debt because of acquiring the latest gadgets or signature items (hello, I don’t even own a credit card!). 

My unease to accept is really a combination of things. First, I feel I don’t deserve an expensive gift. I also wonder about the intentions of the giver especially if it’s a guy. I automatically anticipate that the person wanted something in return and fear that I might not be able to reciprocate it. I tend to be suspicious and look for ulterior motives. I’m kinda defensive when it comes to having that sense of obligation or indebtedness. I know these thoughts aren’t very nice and are unhealthy, but those are my concerns being the receiver.

I also don’t want to be seen like some charity case; that I’m being needy. I guess I don’t want to feel indebted or look like I was imposing. 

***

A few days ago, I was watching the movie “Safe Haven”. There’s this scene when Alex (Josh Duhamel) gave Katie (Julianne Hough) a bike so she wouldn’t have to walk home. Katie reacts negatively to the gesture and went to return the bike to him. Upon seeing this, I chuckled and said to myself, “Woman! It’s just a bike! Would it hurt if you just take it? You needed it!”

“Normally when somebody does nice things for you just say thank you.”

And that hit me. It got me thinking why when I see it from this perspective I can see that what Alex did was a harmless gesture but when another person does it to me I’d react the same way as Katie did. 

I may have my own personal reasons, but when I refuse help and gifts because I tend to overthink about so many things, I somehow fail to recognize other people’s kindness. I rob that person of the joy of giving. 

I fail to see that no one is really obligated to do anything unless they wanted to.

And while it’s kinda sneaky how this person found his way of giving his “gift” to me, I was able to stop myself from reacting negatively and turning it into a big fight fest. Normally I would be very upset and would ramble endlessly, but then mommy had a nicer way of putting it: “Did you ask for it? If not, then take it as it is. As a gift.”

I called him that very moment and said thank you. It was a new feeling to just let my guard down.

***

As soon as the ECQ was lifted in the metro last Monday, we went to the nearest appliance store to get that TV. We got a good deal for a 43"-LED (bigger than my old TV which is only 32") for a newly-released model. It’s already a Full- HD, Smart TV. It’s also YouTube and Netflix ready.

Let’s face it, it’s an expensive gift—or gesture—but I’d be lying if I’d say I am not happy with it and not grateful for it because I’m truly am. I just hope the person who made this all happen is also happy to have done it. It would help a lot knowing that he also got something from it, to be fair.