It’s Been A Long While

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

I forgot that my domain renewal was coming up if not for the e-mail notification. I thought hard and long if it’s still worth it to pay $16/year and keep this blog if I won’t be posting as often as I used to, but I decided to keep it for the meantime.

I have not blogged in more than two months but I’m not sorry. I planned to during the election fever but everything about Philippine politics has gotten so toxic that I chose not to add my sentiments anymore. So many people have had enough of it. I know I did.

I don’t think talking about something as messy as politics would improve my readership anyway. If I had to be honest, who still reads blogs these days? A lot of the bloggers I followed for years had ceased writing. The motivation to write something isn’t there for them anymore. Or maybe journaling itself has evolved into something banal like posting pictures or videos on one’s social media accounts. I can’t blame them because it’s easier to update through Instagram or Facebook and more people will get to see them.

For those who go to this blog just to check how I’m doing, I’m good. A large chunk of my every day is spent working (I still work from home) and my weekends are spent recharging. Sunday has become strictly a “me”-day, just having my time alone somewhere to clear my head. Whether it’s going to church, having a quiet cup of coffee, or watching a movie and going window-shopping—anything— instead of just cooping up at home and getting plagued with anxious thoughts. 

Because now, more than ever, I’ve become a chronic worrier. I just have that general feeling of uneasiness about many things and I always end up imagining the worst-case scenarios on just about anything. Be it about health, work, finances, etc. I do acknowledge that this is a problem, especially when in reality, more than 90% of the things we worry about never happen, but I can’t help it sometimes. Maybe this is what midlife crisis is all about. 

Many people had suggested I should go on out-of-town trips. My brother and I really wanted to bring the kids to the beach but plans are just not panning out. And now that we’re into the rainy season, I feel that we’re too late for that.

I get jealous of my friends who had a chance to travel the past few months when some of the COVID restrictions have been lifted, but that’s not something I can do as of yet as I’m currently tied to my financial obligations. Maybe in a few more months when I’m done paying off bills and stuff I’d finally get that vacation I feel I deserve.

Oh well.