Don't make me forget

Photo by Rosie Kerr on Unsplash

Times are quite bumpy for me now. There are just too many bills coming in one after the other that it overwhelms me sometimes I feel I’m only working just to pay it all off. And while it’s not as bad as me and family not having enough for everyday needs like food and stuff, it’s not what I’d call “ideal” in terms of finances. It can be quite daunting at times that even if I was convincing myself that I’m not actually broke when I’m responsible enough to pay my obligations on time, it stresses me so much. Like, it wouldn’t hurt if I win money somewhere or get unexpected windfalls to ease it out a little.

The thing about being in this situation is having that feeling that while I’m so down on my luck, I see other people just having it good, like they don’t even have to try. Yes, social media sucks that way because you end up comparing yourself to other people. I start questioning my choices, asking where I went wrong or if some of my decisions could’ve been better.

Just a few days ago I received a Facebook friend request. The name doesn’t ring a bell but looking at the profile picture I realized it was my neighbor from when I was a kid. We used to be playmates—nothing else—and we were never actually close growing up. Her mom was a seamstress and the very little interaction we have apart from being playmates was because of that. In our late teens, they had to move to another house just a few blocks from our street and maybe after a couple of times of going there for her mom (since she sews/repairs our school uniforms), I never saw or came across her again for well over two decades. We never have any interaction even in the advent of social media. I guess none of us bothered to look for the other. 

I do filter who I add to my FB but since I see that we have mutual friends, I thought it’s no big deal to approve her. Immediately after, she messaged me asking how I was and I answered with a rather straightforward, “Okay lang naman ako, salamat.” (I’m good, thank you.) 

The next day, she messaged me asking for money.

My initial reaction was that of annoyance. I mean, we haven’t even been “friends” for 24 hours and here she is already asking for (not borrowing) money? Was that her intention all along for adding me? 

This was not the first time such thing happened to me. I have schoolmates/acquaintances who I was never, ever close with messaging me out-of-the-blue on Facebook for money after a seemingly harmless,“Kumusta?”. Sometimes I send something, sometimes I don’t, since scams are very common. Besides, I have also encountered people that I did help and it became a precedence for similar requests. 

But yeah, I have to admit that this one was particularly irritating, maybe because I know that money isn’t easy to come by these days. So I replied back to her saying that her request took me by surprise and that I can’t actually help her right now. After that, I unfriended her. 

Many people might say that I was quite harsh in doing so. Well, it did bother me after. I thought it was rather callous of me to even say that we’ve “just been friends” and she’s already asking money—then not actually giving her anything. I should have just said that I can’t help her without even pointing that out to her. Sabi `nga, hindi na 'nga ako tumulong, may nasabi pa ako.

So yeah, after my actions that were acted out of impulse, I was eaten by guilt. So much so that I went to her profile and checked her posts. It doesn’t look like that it was a fake duplicate account being used to scam people. Aside from reposts of bible sayings and quotes about going through hard times, I found out that both of her parents have died. Her mother in 2016 and her father in 2019 (she had a younger sister who died because of an illness during our teens). Now she has a daughter but it was not very clear if she’s raising it on her own. One thing I know just by looking at her profile is that for years she’s been struggling financially and her posts and live videos are a simple cry for help. Never mind if this was all her MO so people can feel sorry and eventually help her, seeing this made me feel bad and I did regret how I acted and wished I just helped her one time without having to embarrass her.

Sure, financial problems happens to most of us, but I just realized that my current money woes are inconsequential compared to hers. My worries come and go and I know in a few weeks I’ll be back on track as always. I mean, I was never behind on my bills, I can still go out and eat where I want to, I can still afford small personal caprichos, I can still share some for my family and especially to my nephews, etc. My only problem is not having a lot of extra money for savings but, God, I’m still luckier than other people. 

The thing about comparing yourself to other people is how we pit ourselves against those who have more than us which ends up in resentment, and not to those who have it less, which brings about gratitude. 

It’s something that many of us tend to forget every time. I know I do.