Taking heed

As you may have seen in my previous posts, I have been out and about for many weeks now as it is my way of coping with my anxiety. I feel that being cooped up at home for long periods has generally affected my mental well-being. 

The Banality of Everyday Life by Vilhelm Hammershøi (1864-1916)

However, I might have to lessen it because according to the latest OCTA Research, the coronavirus reproduction rate for Metro Manila recently breached the threshold of 1 and is now at 1.06 (compared to 0.99 on December 1), which means COVID-19 is spreading faster. A doctor has already tweeted that the surge or the new wave has started. 

I am well aware that for some people, my actions the past few weeks might seem reckless. Many of them may not say it directly to my face but I do feel how sometimes they’re throwing shade at me. I mean—many times, after posting a picture of me on IG that was taken outside, I’d see a shared article on Facebook citing the dangers of going out during the pandemic with the caption: “Mamamatay ka ba 'pag 'di ka nakalabas?”

There are times when I’d be called out for not wearing a face mask only because they saw my picture not wearing one. I thought it was understood that I only took it off to have the picture taken and put it back almost immediately. Frankly, making me look bad for continuing to live my life (albeit the many restrictions I already imposed on myself) is becoming annoying. 

Yes. Going to the mall or dining out is something that most people can do away with, but how one responds to stress is different. Some deal with Covid-related anxiety by staying safely at home and in some other cases—like with me—I deal with it by going out of the house. It’s just like how one would hop into their car and drive to “clear their head”. 

I have nothing against those who chose to stay at home. I never thought of them as people who “live in fear” because after all, Covid is a very scary global crisis as it has already taken the lives of millions of people. We have every reason to fear it. Apart from proper personal hygiene, maintaining social distancing, and wearing a face mask, staying at home is still one of the best ways to curb the spread of the virus. If we had a bigger space at home I would probably not even go out. But we don’t, and that’s a problem. To criticize me (whether indirectly or not) for choosing to not stay home especially on weekends, reeks entitlement.

Staying outdoors, while potentially risky at this time, can do wonders in treating anxiety and depression. It can improve the mood and can reduce negative emotions. At least for me, it’s my way of self-care. 

“We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat”, is a phrase we all heard of a million times over during this pandemic and it still rings true. I hope some people realize that just because I resumed some of my day-to-day activities doesn’t mean I don’t care. When I’m outside, I follow all the necessary measures and minimize my interaction with people (a skill I developed being an introvert my entire life). I never disregard the warnings and safety protocols.  

Now with the possibility of a surge in Covid cases after the holidays, which I think is more because of family and friends gatherings (still taking a rain check on that), I will take heed and would be back to just leaving the house for the essentials. Honestly, just the mere thought of it is already making me feel anxious but this move only goes to show that contrary to what others think, I actually care enough not to get it and spread it at home.